


I want to be known by you

by sunshinedesires



Category: The Skeleton Clique, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Homophobic Language, I'll probably add more tags as the story goes along, M/M, Prom eventually, Strong Language, alcohol consumption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-25
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-08-24 11:54:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8371381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshinedesires/pseuds/sunshinedesires
Summary: In which Tyler, who holds the stars in his mind, changes college his senior year and ends up under the protection of a boy named Josh with wild pink hair and a smile as beautiful as the sunset.





	1. pink hair and trembling hands

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, I have no connection whatsoever to the members of Twenty One Pilots and I do not owe any of the (famous) people portrayed in this story. The descriptions of these people are also most certainly not accurate in time (or in general, seeing as this is fiction). 
> 
> Secondly, I'm just a simple swedish girl who likes to write, so the descriptions and portrayals of college presented in this story are loosely based on what information I have gathered from reading about it and watching american college-based movies. In fact, most details in this story are probably very inaccurate seeing as this is fiction and I know nothing about the real world.
> 
> Thirdly and ultimately, this is my first Joshler fic I've ever written. So be patient and bear with me! Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated, no matter what you think of the chapters. Thanks frens! x

Josh plumps down into his usual seat in his usual classroom, letting out a tired—and rather loud—yawn. It's wednesday morning and right now there's nothing he'd rather be doing than sit in his own couch, in his own dorm, playing his own Fifa. Even though he woke up a mere thirty minutes ago. Still, he's already looking forward to this day ending (but then again, the day ending wouldn't be much of a release seeing as it's only wednesday).

His friend Brendon enters through the door unusually chirpy, talking to somebody Josh recognizes but doesn't remember the name of. Soon enough the entire room is filled with people being unecessarily happy at this hour, and Josh just rests his chin in the palm of his hand, closing his eyes to try and block out the noise. It doesn't take long before he instead decides to place his arm straight across the table and lays down with his face on it, pretending to tell himself he's actually _not_ going to fall asleep. The only problem is, Brendon jumps up on to the table from the front, shaking the not so sturdy legs of it.

Josh lets out an irritated grunt.

"Hang in there, man, this is our final year," Brendon says. Josh perks his head up slightly and looks up at his friend in disbelief of him being optimistic. "Besides, school started like, what, three weeks ago? Don't give up yet."

Again, Josh just grunts and rests his head back down again. He's all for happy, cheery and even optimistic people, really. Just not at 8 in the morning. As Brendon chuckles and ruffles through the slightly more tired boy's hair, Josh sits up and looks at the teacher. She's standing in the front by her desk doing…nothing. Exactly what students would be punished for, but whatever.

"What are we waiting—" Josh decides to ask the inevitable question to his friend, who now jumps off the table and sits down in the chair in front of him, but is interrupted almost instantly by the door slamming open in a hurry. The teacher throws her head to the side, instantly plastering a smile across her face.

In stumbles a guy, whose face you can't really see because of his black hoodie covering the entire side, and he warily closes the door behind him. He stands feet pressed together, head slightly hung and waits for the teacher to say something. Josh doesn't recognize him at all, and even though the college campus is pretty big, he quickly comes to the conclusion that this must be a new student. Which isn't weird, but still pretty strange. If he's new and has transferred from another school, why wait until three weeks after the senior year starts?

Everyone intently watches the new boy, who has yet to discover his surroundings—eyes firmly locked to a spot on the ground. It takes a few more moments of utter silence before the teacher finally speaks up. Poor kid.

"Class, I'm pleased to introduce to you your new classmate," Mrs. Eriksen says. She turns to all of us for a split second, making sure we're really paying attention, before returning her gaze to the obviously nervous boy. "Tyler, would you like to introduce yourself?"

Even though it's almost completely inaudible, Josh swears he hears the boy inhale a quick and sharp breath, and suddenly his mind travels back to a few years ago. He had been invited to his first ever party, which his friends had spent months trying to convince him to go to. You can call it peer pressure or whatever, but finally he gave in. At the time he wasn't much for parties, he didn't think he was missing out on an important part of life (which he later came to realize he actually wouldn't have missed).

Either way, he went. He spent hours picking out the perfect outfit. Not too nerdy—he knew what that would mean, but not too fancy either—he'd never hear the end of that. Because it was his very first party, he had everything to gain and nothing to lose. The impression he had to make amongst all the cool kids was crucial for his future reputation, so his outfit _had_ to be perfect.

"Just be yourself," his Mother repeatedly said. Back then he had sighed and rolled his eyes, but of course he'd later understand that it wouldn't really had to have been much more complicated than that—simply being himself.

When he arrived, Brendon greeted him at the door with a beer in his hand. Josh had tasted some, of course, but he'd never experienced getting drunk. Already at the door, his hands were sweaty and they were trembling more than he was willing to admit, so he kept them in his jacket pockets to begin with. The two entered the house, which by the way was blasting music and practically swaying because of all the people, and instantly his view got blurred.

His head was spinning, his heart almost thumping out of his chest. And this was all before he'd even had a drop of alcohol. Brendon didn't notice, though, and Josh didn't want to be known as the scared kid who backed out of his first party, so he tried to ignore the anxiety. Everything in his head was telling him that things were wrong; his outfit was too punk rock; everyone would laugh at him trying to be cool; nobody actually wanted him there. But everyone around him pushed him further into the house and further into the pressure of actually being someone.

That party was years ago, but Josh still remembers the anxiety of facing more than thirty people and introducing yourself. Introducing yourself to thirty, overly judgemental young kids who—in reality—all just want to be accepted the same. And now, this new kid, Tyler, was going through the same thing. Just in a much more focused situation.

Josh sees him move his cautiously trembling hands into the pockets of his hoodie, before actually looking up. "Uh…My name's Tyler Joseph and I, uh, like to write music."

For not more than three seconds, Josh and Tyler lock eyes. Warm and golden brown ones meet a pair of colder, sharper brown ones. To Josh, these three seconds feels like thirty seconds or even a whole minute. In a way, he feels…drawn to him. But that sounds gay, though, and Josh would never say those words out loud. He just doesn't know how else to describe it.

"That's great, Tyler," Mrs. Eriksen smiles. "Now we just have to find you an empty seat…"

Before he realizes it himself, Josh's right hand is raised. Mrs. Eriksen gratefully nods at him and gestures with her hand, to show that Tyler can sit next to him. Subconsciously, Josh sits up straight and scoots his chair a little closer to the table. The anxious boy makes his way over to his table and sits down next to him, clasping his hands together on top of the table and taking a deep breath.

Josh attempts a smile, but realizes that what just happened is a delicate subject. It has to rest. And he has full understanding of that. He, out of anyone, knows that things like that—they need time to settle. It takes a little while for the heart to beat a little quieter, for the hands to slowly stop shaking and for the vision to get back to normal.

Luckily, it's easier now for Josh than what it used to be. That being said, he still has full respect for people who might not have reached out for a helping hand yet, and for people who might have—but who haven't gotten that far.

Mrs. Eriksen starts the class as she usually goes about starting it, and luckily for Josh, she seems to overlook the fact that Tyler is new which gives him—the person who is sitting right next to the new kid—the right not to pay as much attention as everyone else. Being as discreet as he possibly can be, Josh turns his head slightly to look at the quiet boy. He inspects and searches for anything that could further tell him stuff he'd want to know about him, but he has no luck. He's a closed book, sealed and locked away.

 _He seems to like the color black_ , Josh makes a mental note based on Tyler's choice of a black hoodie and black jeans, and chuckles quietly to himself. Half a second later, though, he realizes he shouldn't have. The seemingly distant boy stiffens and stops playing with his fingers over the table, suddenly more aware of the movements around him. _Shit_ , Josh thinks. Of course, him chuckling didn't mean anything—it was simply a statement that made him chuckle. Then again, Josh should have thought before acting on it, because now he knows exactly what's running through Tyler's head.

"Hey, I'm Josh Dun," he states just in time as Mrs. Eriksen sends the entire class into a discussion. Carefully, his eyes graze over the boy sitting next to him, hoping he isn't scaring him away. "Well, really it's Joshua, but…"

Tyler turns to look at him, in all honesty surprised that the pink-haired boy is talking to him, even though he seemed to volunteer to have him sit with him. It takes a few seconds for him to gather up the courage to reply, but when he does Josh's lips crack into a small smile. "I'm Tyler."

"Why did you change schools?" Josh asks. Tyler doesn't react in a certain way—he doesn't flinch, he doesn't hang his head low or even lower his gaze—but Josh recognizes the sensitiveness of the topic instantly. And he understands what just happened, so he apologizes. "You don't have to answer that though if you don't want to, I'm sorry."

For the first time in these five minutes that Tyler has been in this room, Josh sees a hint of a smile on his face. In seconds, Josh relaxes fully. His posture slumps down and goes into a more natural form: slightly hunched over the table with one foot dangling while the other rests on the footplate of the chair. No form of natural conversation is fired up for the rest of the class, however, but the atmosphere between the two is far more relaxed.

* * *

The bell rings and pretty much every student is out in the halls in just seconds. Pretty much everyone except Josh and Tyler. Josh grabs his backpack from off the floor and stuff his book and notebook into it—he doesn't quite understand himself why he has a notebook because he's never been particularly good at taking notes, but oh well. At least it looks good and the teachers think he's paying and attention and has interest in the course.

Throughout the class, though, Josh could see Tyler quickly drabbling stuff into his notebook several times. Even though Josh never could see properly, he wasn't too convinced that he was writing down notes. Maybe he'll get a chance to ask him about it some time.

"Mr. Dun, would you be so kind as to show Mr. Joseph around campus? I will give you a permit for the rest of the day," Mrs. Eriksen announces.

To anyone who might have heard the question, Josh's answer might seem based on the last sentence. It might seem overly fake and not genuine at all, seeing as he'd be excused for the rest of the day. And Josh tries to think like that, really. That the only reason he'd accept Mrs. Eriksen's request is because he gets to skip the rest of the classes for the day.

But he knows that's not true.

Because it's not like Josh already had that planned, it's not like Josh already knows how to describe different places to Tyler and it's definitely not like Josh has been waiting for the class to end so they can spend real, genuine time together without it being forced. Absolutely not.

"Yes, ma'am," he chirps and throws his backpack on to his left shoulder. Then he turns to look at the other boy, trying his best to hide how eager he is. Josh knows he has to be calm around Tyler to make him feel truly invited and welcome.

Tyler gets up from his chair and removes the hoodie from his head, revealing featherly-like hair that catches Josh off-guard—for some reason Josh doesn't know. His sharp eyes lock into Josh's softer ones, and then they head out of the classroom side by side. Josh has gone from being quiet to being one of the more talkative people, and him loosening up and talking about everything and nothing greatly sooths Tyler's nerves.

Tyler doesn't really pay attention to all the words Josh keeps saying, instead he's too focused on watching his surroundings to see if anybody is glaring or talking about him. He's learned to try and remember that that is all in his head, but it's hard to ignore when walking with a guy like Josh. Tyler felt that all black clothes was a pretty neutral choice for the first day, but someone like Josh isn't meant to be neutral. He stands out like a colorful sunset.

There's a warm, familiar feeling about Josh that sooths Tyler. But at the same time he's finding it hard to relax when walking down the halls with him in his white NASA shirt, ripped jeans and wild pink hair. They're like polar opposites. _Polar opposites like on magnets, that for some reason keep being drawn together_ , Tyler thinks.

Josh keeps blabbering and pointing and explaining, and even though he's not getting much in response from Tyler, he's taking for granted that it's okay and that he isn't being a pain in the ass. Sometimes, people stop him and chat with him for a minute or two, but that's okay with Tyler. That gives him time to inspect the people around him, and time to try and figure out what type of peole they are.

Tyler has always been good at reading people and their emotions, but here it's a bit hard. People are pretty similar and don't really stick out. Well, except for Josh of course. That's one of the things that caught Tyler's liking when he first saw Josh. He doesn't seem to be the person who's afraid to be who he truly is, and Tyler needs to surround himself with more people like that.

For most of his 21 years on this earth, there's been a lack of support in Tyler's life. His parents and siblings have given him plenty of that, of course, but that hasn't quite been enough. He's mostly kept to himself and learnt how to do different things on his own, like paying the piano and the ukulele—amongst other instruments—and singing, which eventually led to a burning desire to create his own music and making music that others can use the way he's used other people's music.

"This is the principal's office," Josh says, stopping in front of a two-door-entrance, and looks at the unsure boy. He rakes his eyes across his face, finding himself admiring his features. "Did you get your dorm key, yet?"

"No," Tyler replies quickly.

"I can help you," Josh smiles and pushes one of the doors open, letting him enter first. "And I can show you to it, as well."

Josh leans against the wall as Tyler takes a few steps ahead, talking to Ms. Robinson behind the expedition, going into deep thought. He can't shake the feeling of curiousity that Tyler sparks within him even though he can't explain where it comes from. Josh has a lot of friends, really, and he loves them all to death—because when Josh loves, he _loves_. But despite how long he's known them, Brendon or Debby or Mark or whoever, none of them had a first impression on him even slightly as strong as the one Tyler had.

It rattles Josh's mind, truthfully, and it confuses him. What is it about Tyler? What does he have that his friends obviously don't seem to have? It confuses the shit out of him, because he's never felt like this about a stranger before and it scares him, because if he were to tell anyone about this…they'd call him gay immediately. Josh wouldn't be offended, it's just that…Josh is straight. He always has been and there's no question about it, which makes all these reactions toward Tyler a thousand times more confusing.

"Which room number did you get?" Josh asks, walking to stand behind Tyler so he can peak over his shoulder. His eyes graze over the paper, and in the process they catch a glimpse of something on Tyler's left wrist. The sleeve of his hoodie's been pulled back a little, revealing what looks like tattoos. "27 A? Dude, that's just down the hall from mine. I have 24 A!"

"Really?" Tyler asks, shyly turning to look at the slightly more excited guy next to him. Then he turns down back to the paper in his hands, smiling foolishly to himself. "Cool."

Tyler can tell—despite his anxiety and shyness—that Josh likes him, that he's an open minded person who just wants to be his friend. And on a day as anxiety raising as this one, Tyler appreciates the hell out of Josh for being so kind. Still, it's not easy for him to talk to or even be in the same presence as Josh.

Josh certainly sticks out in the exact same way that Tyler wants to remain anonymous. He talks a lot and he wears provocatively unique clothes, something Tyler wishes he had the guts to do himself. But other than the fact that it's straining to be with Josh because he's exactly everything Tyler admires within people, it doesn't help that he's _hot as fuck_.

Of course, Tyler knows how to hide these feelings well—it's something he's used to. It's just that it makes his heart beat a little faster than it already does, which at certain moments should be impossible. The pink hair to his warm eyes to his sunset-like smile to his clothes to his body and the way he carries himself—all of these things _about_ Josh are contributing to Tyler's anxiety going through the roof.

Together the two walk through some more hallways and Josh stops to talk to some more people Tyler envies—just a little, though—before finally reaching door 24 A. "Do you know who your room-mate is?" Josh asks.

Tyler looks up from his paper, eyelashes battering in a way that makes Josh wonder why he's even paying attention to this guy's eyelashes to begin with. A silence occurs, and it has time to last for a good few moments—because Josh, once again, gets stuck looking into Tyler's eyes, still not understanding why he's so interested in him.

But he can't ponder about it for too long, because shortly after the question's left his mouth, Tyler tilts his head down and lets out a small laugh. As if he didn't originally know if he dared to laugh or not.

"What?" Josh asks with smile while simoultaneously raising his eyebrows.

Tyler shifts his innocent gaze to Josh again, heart thumping loudly. "This…is my first day, remember?"

This causes Josh to, luckily for the nervous boy's heart's sake, laugh. He laughs and Tyler's heart just goes _shit_ , because it's the most enticing laughter he's heard in a long while. He proceeds by excusing his stupid question with being tired—Josh claims it takes him about half the week before he really feels motivated to do stuff. Which is sadly hilarious to Tyler because he's finding it hard to be motivated at all, at any time.

"What's your room-mate like?" he asks bashfully, feeling too shy to start being full of questions with a person he met thirty minutes ago. It's just that when Tyler starts feeling comfortable talking to new people, he doesn't want the conversation to die out. He just wants to be liked _so_ _bad_.

"Honestly?" the other boy replies, biting down on his lower lip and going into deep thought. An eager nod pushes him to continue. "I actually didn't want the same one as last year, cause I kind of wanted to switch it up a bit, you know? So, I was asssigned a new one this year and honestly, man, I don't know what I think of him yet."

"Oh," Tyler nods, clearly thrown off by Josh's casual use of the word "man" for him. They stop in front of his new dorm, and Tyler unsurely glances between the paper in his hand and the number 27 spelled out on the door.

Josh knows what Tyler feels about meeting new people, and since he's almost sure he knows who his room-mate is, he decides to just go ahead and open it. His head peaks in and he's immediately greeted with a guy named Steven. Josh doesn't really know him, but he knows _of_ him and they run into each other in the halls sometimes.

The two of them ingage in a semi-casual, semi-awkward conversation about "current events", which by the way causes Tyler to lets out a shy laugh. It's pretty obvious to him that these two aren't exactly friends, but he feels grateful to Josh for helping him like this. In a few seconds, he casually mentions Tyler—which is when the boy walks inside.

"Hi, I'm Tyler," he mumbles, eyes fluttering from Steven to the ground and then to Josh—and then the whole process repeats itself. Steven is an average built guy, with ginger hair and a goofy way that for some reason makes Tyler nervous. Then again, most people now-a-days make Tyler nervous.

"Hey, I'm Steven. You new?" Steven asks, quirking an eyebrow up.

"Mhm," Tyler nods, putting his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. In the corner of his eye he can see Josh intently watching him, ready to step in and avert the attention from him, but the wild effect his eyes has on Tyler gives him courage. "This is my first day, I transferred."

"Cool, I'll let you get settled then," Steven smiles and squeezes out the door between the two, new friends. "See you around, Josh!"

Josh has no time to reply before he's making his way down through the hall. He chuckles at the ginger-haired boy, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck. Tyler looks around the room, taking note of Steven's clearly messy side of the room. He removes his backpack from his right shoulder and places it on the empty bed that's placed against the right wall.

A few moments pass, where Tyler has to breathe and collect his thoughts for a while. This day has been emotionally draining for him so far and he has to thank his lucky star that he met Josh when he did. Or that he did at all, really. Of course, though, there is no guarantee that he's going to stick around after this day. He is after all free for this entire day just to show him around.

"Didn't you bring anything other than your backpack?" Josh asks, pointing at it for emphasize. Their eyes connect for a split second before Tyler's eyes dart down to the bag.

"No," he replies softly with a shrug. "I didn't have time, my mom is gonna drop by with some of my stuff this weekend."

"Oh, cool," Josh smiles. "Where are you from?"

"Columbus, Ohio," Tyler answers, earning a grin from the curious boy standing across from him. He then points his index finger at him, raising his eyebrows. "You too?"

"Yeah! Dude, that's sick," Josh smiles widely, his eyes crinkling and his nose scrunching up—causing the already loud heart of the anxious boy to beat even louder.

It's crazy to think that a fact so small, yet so unbelievably great, can bring two newlyfound strangers together in a way that the fact that they're both from Ohio does. Tyler has relaxed more the more time that has passed, but as soon as Josh starts talking about his favorite things from Ohio and what he misses the most, Tyler feels at home.

With that being said, he's still hellishly nervous about being here in this new college and having to meet even more new people tomorrow. Someone else talking about the favorite pizza the two seem to have in common isn't going to erase all that. But, hearing someone as vivacious as Josh talk about something that Tyler truly relates to…it just sets off an incredibly warm feeling throughout his body.

A smile is plastered onto Tyler's lips as he listens to the eager boy go on about their mutual hometown. He talks about his favorite restaurants—which makes Tyler believe that even though he rarely got out in public when he lived in Ohio, they at some point must have been to the same one unknowingly—and the street he used to live on. All of this transforms into the pink-haired boy talking about his family and what it was like growing up with them.

After a while, Tyler ends up sitting down at the edge of his bed, hands in the pockets of his hoodie, just smiling. It turns out that pretty much every single thing Tyler feared would happen when he first got here, has been greatly avoided thanks to Josh. And now here he is talking about how he used to sneak out of his home to play drums as a kid. All of this means more to Tyler than Josh can probably imagine.

"You said you like to create music, right?" Josh asks curiously and genuinely.

"Yeah," Tyler answers softly, with an equally soft smile that shines throughout his eyes as well.

  
Before Josh asks a follow-up question, a thought passes his mind. It's not shameful to admit, but it's confusing to admit. He just adores Tyler so much already and he barely knows him, and it's eating at him from the inside not being able to put his finger on what it is. Which is just one of the few reasons why he's strictly determined to get to know him as good as he can.

"What instruments do you play? You look like one of those guys who could probably just shred most instruments," Josh says and chuckles approvingly.

Tyler's cheeks turn pink in an instant, and he laughs softly in reply. "I play the ukulele, piano, synthesizer, bass and a little bit of drums as well."

"That's cool," the boy in the NASA t-shirt counters in awe. Of course someone as interesting as him can play more than just one instrument.

"What about you? You can surely play more instruments than drums," Tyler counters, averting the attention away from himself, to which Josh just snickers.

"Drums and the trumpet," he says.

The two engage in a passionate discussion about music, that actually eases Tyler even more. As it turns out, they have extremely similar taste in music and they share the same vision about what music should be about as well. This excites both of them, because the two have a dream of playing music for a living in the future.

Tyler, who's been turning attention away from himself pretty much all day, ends up telling Josh about how his parents first thought he was going to become a basketball player, seeing as both of them are basketball coaches and Tyler took a liking to it when he was younger.

"Then, I, uh, discovered an old keyboard that I'd gotten at some christmas hidden away in my closet. I started playing around with it, trying to play along to some demos," he tells, very aware of Josh's warm eyes watching him intently with pure curious attention. "It was fun and then I kinda just kept learning myself more and more songs until I could write my own."

Josh quirks his eyebrows up at his last sentence. "You already write your own music?"

"I haven't written a lot, though," Tyler shrugs—as if it's not really a real accomplishment.

"But you have? Written music?" Josh asks, to which he receives a nod. Honestly, he didn't think he could be more impressed by this hoodie-wearing, shy boy than he already was, but it obviously turns out he was wrong.

Tyler watches Josh, trying to figure out what's going on under that gorgeous pink hair of his. He has already concluded that Josh seems to like him, he just can't figure out why or how. It's obvious to Tyler that Josh is intrigued by him, because he has an earnest curiousity and he has genuine interest in getting to know him.

The only thing that worries Tyler about this sudden spark of interest from another person, is that it's not going to last. He fears that Josh is going to be disappointed and get tired of him. People has lost interest in Tyler so many times in the past, that he wouldn't be surprised if it would happen again. Even though it feels a lot better and a thousand times more genuine with Josh, he still feels like he has to act catiously around him for a little while longer. At least a few more days.

If he can, that is. Tyler himself is really intrigued by the beautiful aura that is Josh Dun, and to say the least attracted to him. _Then again_ , Tyler catches himself thinking, _most other people are probably attracted to him as well_. And at this point, after about only an hour of knowing him, there's no telling how Josh would react if Tyler would—against all odds—have the courage to do anything about his attraction to him.

"Do you know what stuff you'll want to put in your part of the room once you get your stuff over here?" Josh asks, nodding towards the wall behind Tyler.

"My keyboard and ukulele is my first priority," Tyler laughs, earning a laughter from Josh as well. "Do you have an electronic drum kit in your room or something?"

"No, I just use the drum kit down in the music hall," Josh replies with a smile, and then he snaps his fingers together before pointing his index finger at Tyler. "Hey, I should show you the music hall. It's actually sick."

"Let's do it," Tyler says and is almost instantly to his feet.

They exit Tyler's dorm room together, and Josh immediately—obviously—takes the lead down the hallway. Josh stuffs his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as they make a left turn and then, as discreetly as he can, observes Tyler from beside him. After a few short moments he comes to the conclusion that it's not weird in any way to admit that Tyler has beautiful features. For a guy, that is.

When they reach a new hallway, Tyler turns his head to the side and catches Josh looking at him with curious eyes. Josh's heart skips a beat because it was certainly not meant for Tyler to catch him, and he has to bite down into his lower lip to try and hide the smile on his face as he turns his eyes to the ground in front of him. Josh feels foolish, ashamed almost, that Tyler caught him, because he's unsure of what "message" he's sending him.

Actually, he's unsure himself of what message he _wants_ to send him.

They reach the music hall that, luckily, is empty. Josh grins when he puts his hand on the doorknob and realizes that it's unlocked. It usually is, he explains, but there are times when it's locked and rowdy yet enthusiastic people break in. Josh isn't one for getting into trouble, he says—to which Tyler smiles—and sometimes he's gotten falsely accused for the door being broken.

"I've never broken in," he assures with a chuckle as they close the door behind them.

Tyler isn't sure what he expected of the music hall, really, but it sure wasn't this. It's a large room with elevated seats to the right, and a grand piano in the middle of the floor in front of the chairs. Behind the piano there is a whiteboard, some dates doodled in the top right corner and seemingly important events in the left one.

Josh tells him that this is just the lecture room, and continues walking through the room and over to another door at the far end. Carefully, he places his fingers around the doorknob and cautiously presses down. The door slowly swings open before he opens it fully, letting Tyler step into the room first.

"This is my favorite place of the music hall," Josh smiles and leaves the door ajar behind him. "Obviously because the best drumkits are here, but also because I really like watching other people play instruments I can't play myself."

"Why?" Tyler asks curiously, mindlessly running his fingers across a keyboard as he walks past it.

"I'm impressed," Josh shrugs, walking over to the drumkit that's placed against the far left corner. He hesitates shortly when he reaches the drumkit, unsure of whether he wants to play drums in front of Tyler—since apparently the cautious boy makes him nervous—but after a short moment he sits down on to the drumstool. "It's cool how people can be so good at it, seeing as I can play, like, two instruments."

"People probably enjoy watching you play drums," Tyler says under his breath without thought. When he realizes what he just said, he freezes in front of the guitars and curses to himself. Luckily, the drummer boy didn't hear him, so Tyler turns around before rephrashing his words. "Well, I'll probably be impressed by you playing drums."

"That's not the same," Josh dismisses him with a slight grimace, crunhing his nose up and furrowing his eyebrows together.

Tyler wants to ask him what he means, but he's cut off by a soft and slow beat. He watches Josh gently hit his drumsticks against the snare drums while simoultaneously moving his foot up and down on the pedal for the bass drum. Tyler is no drummer, and even though he has very limited knowledge of drumming as an art form, and even though the beat Josh is drumming is seemingly simple, he can tell that Josh has a natural talent for it.

Josh finds himself getting lost in his own world, imagining a day where he can live out his dream of being a drummer on stage in front of thousands of people. The dream scares Josh, he doesn't know how he would handle the anxiety of all that, but it most of all excites him. With perserverence and passion and patience he's convinced he'll get there.

Tyler watches Josh get lost in his own little world, and Tyler isn't surprised at how much he likes watching the pink-haired boy. He plays with such ease and passion that it wouldn't be hard to believe he's already a professional. After a moment, he's getting more into it. His stool starts bouncing more, his upper teeth bite into his lower lip and his eyes are closed in concentration.

It's amazing. The loud noise of the drums has always intrigued Tyler, so much so that it actually soothens him and ironically quiets everything else down. Eventually, while Josh plays away a random beat, Tyler begins wandering around the room. His eyes roam the multpile instruments while gently humming a random tune along with the faint sound of Josh's drumming.

" **You have learned way too soon that your dad is now the pantaloon** ," Tyler hums. He's surprised because he has had this idea of a lyric stuck in his head for what feels like forever, but never really found a good beat to accompany it. The fact that this pretty stranger brought it to him makes him smile softly.

Josh isn't sure how, because the drumming is pretty loud and he's aware that he zones out most of the times he plays, but he thinks he hears Tyler hum something. He lays the drumsticks restlessly against the snare drums, and stops moving his foot up and down. Just as he's about to ask Tyler if he did say anything, the door opening interrupts him.

"Josh!" Debby exclaims, peaking her head through the door. Debby is a girl Josh met during his freshman year, and the two instantly became friends. They used to be a _thing_ , but not anymore. Josh isn't into her like _that_ , or at least not enough. "Why am I not surprised to find you here?"

She begins strutting over to Josh, but halts her steps as she sees Tyler. And Tyler, as shy and nervous as he gets around strangers, instantly drops his head low and locks his gaze into the ground. Josh's eyes flicker between the two, and even though he knows Debby more, he feels like he should get her out of here. Simply because he noticed the way Tyler stiffened up when she got here, and the way he relaxes when it's just the two of them around.

"Who's this?" Debby asks curiously, cocking her eyebrow.

"Uh, this is Tyler," Josh mumbles, getting out from behind the drumkit. He isn't sure why he feels so bashful about introducing them to each other. "He just transferred."

"Oh, that's fun," Debby chirps, walking over to the extremely nervous boy. "I'm Debby, it's nice to meet you."

Tyler puts his hands in his pockets to hide the trembling, and unsurely meets the excited girl's eyes. Because he has manners and knowledge of how to be a decent human being in spite of his anxiety shooting like a rocket, he manages to put a smile to his lips. Josh feels bad for Tyler, because Debby is too excited most of the time and he knows how terrifying her big eyes can be, so he moves to stand next to him.

Josh smiles while flickering his eyes between them, and Tyler shifts nervously. This girl's energy overwhelmed Tyler, he wasn't really prepared, so he's unsure how to respond to it. His cold brown eyes meet Josh's warmer ones, hoping he'll somehow rescue him.

"Well, Josh, me and Brendon are going out for lunch later and I was just wondering if you'd want to come with?" Debby says, and it doesn't take long before she turns to Tyler with yet another smile across her face. "You can come too, if you want to, of course!"

This puts Josh in an awkward position. He doesn't want to say no to Debby, because of a guy he barely knows—he's well aware that Debby would think that was weird. At the same time, he doesn't want to put pressure on Tyler to come with them if he doesn't feel comfortable doing so. Josh really doesn't want Tyler to be uncomfortable.

And Tyler feels like his heart is about to implode. He really doesn't want Josh to leave him, and he knows that might be clingy because they're strangers, but he feels safe around him. On the other hand, he _really_ doesn't want to eat lunch with Debby and Brendon who he knows nothing about.

"Uh…" Josh hesitates. He moves his eyes back to Debby, who's eagerly waiting for a response. Or, more truthfully, she's just waiting for him to say yes. Usually he never turns down an invitiation to eat lunch outside of school. " _Sure_ , I'll come."

Debby chirps out a "great" before kissing his cheek and then strutting out of the room again. Josh shuts his eyes closed tight, grimacing and cursing to himself as the door shuts closed loudly. He leans back on his heels and leans his head back slightly as well, clasping his hands together in front of him because he's unsure of how Tyler will react to this. Of course he doesn't have to come with, but Josh just doesn't want to make him feel pressured into doing so.

And actually, for some reason, he doesn't want Tyler to think anything of the kiss he got from Debby.

"She seems, uh, nice," Tyler mumbles and shyly looks at Josh.

"She's way too excited most of the time," Josh exhales with a chuckle. He shifts on his feet and takes a step to stand in front of the slightly shorter boy. "I know she can be overwhelming, but she means to be nice. Do you want to grab lunch with us? You don't have to if you don't want to, of course."

Tyler blinks nervously, but doesn't break eye contact with Josh. Once again, his heartbeat increases significantly and he has no idea how to act with this invitation and information about _Debby_ and _Brendon_. He also has no idea what to say or do, because the situation has him feeling conflicted in every way possible.

He doesn't want Josh to leave. That's a fact. His presence calms him down and it's really incredible how he can feel so connected to this boy already. On the other hand, he's pretty sure he doesn't want to have lunch with strangers in a town he isn't super familiar with. Eating out is an anxiety raiser as it is, anyway.

Then again, from what he can read from the slightly taller boy, he wants him to join them. It doesn't matter what kind of connection they have or where it will be headed after this day, but Tyler can tell that Josh feels it too. The only problem is that Josh isn't sure what he thinks of their connection, and unfortunately Tyler can feel that doubt loud and clear. Which pulls Tyler back a little, because he's already sure what type of connection _he_ is feeling.

"Uh, sure, I'll come with you," Tyler eventually says. He _really_ doesn't want Josh to leave.

* * *

"Are we ready?" Brendon asks.

The four of them are standing in a semi-circle, Tyler standing slightly closer to Josh rather than in the middle between him and Debby. They've—Brendon, Debby and Josh that is—all decided together that they should go to Taco Bell, which is more than fine by Tyler. He felt a bit excluded when they were all talking about where to eat, even though he could tell Josh was constantly checking on him, but the decision about Taco Bell totally satisfies him.

Josh claps his hands together and says "let's go!", to which Debby and Brendon take the lead in the front. Tyler isn't sure if they do that because they know Tyler feels more comfortable with Josh, but no matter the reason he appreciates it. The four of them make their way out of the school and Tyler tucks his hands into the pockets of his hoodie.

"Do you like Taco Bell?" Josh asks him with an excited grin. A grin so beautiful it's hard for Tyler not to smile as well.

"It's great," Tyler replies.

"I absolutely love it," Josh laughs with sparkling eyes. "My parents used to take me there all the time when I was a kid and I'm still not tired of it."

"How would you get tired of Taco Bell?" Tyler jokes, laughing softly. He takes a notice of Josh's pink hair swaying softly in the wind, and he also takes a notice at how _soft_ it looks. He clears his throat before continuing, "Do you guys, uh, go out to eat often?"

"Not too often, really," Josh shrugs and smiles a slug smile as he goes on. "We usually choose to eat somewhere else when the lunch at campus isn't very… _appealing_."

The four of them walk through the town for a little while, but in Tyler's mind it's really just him and Josh. He gets lost in listening to him ramble about the most random things, so much that he practically forgets about the two strangers accompanying them just a few feet ahead. Josh's voice is simply distracting enough.

And Josh feels relaxed. He's walking as carelessly as ever, and he's just happy that Tyler trusted him enough to join them. It makes Josh happy, _giddy_ almost in a weird way, that he's been able to build such a strong sense of trust in just one day. Still, though, he can't figure out what it is about the feathery-haired boy that makes him so much more intriguing than his past friends.

Not even when he has some here that he can compare him to. It just seems like Tyler is the exact opposite of everything they are, and for some reason Josh seems to… _prefer_ …that? This whole new friendship with Tyler confuses him because he finds himself noticing things he usually doesn't notice with his friends.

Like, his eyelashes. Why is he paying attention to how long they are and how they bat innocently? And the way his eyes seem to sparkle when they talk about music. And how he ducks his head a little with a soft smile whenever Josh says something with an approving tone that can be interpreted as a compliment.

Josh can mention habits his other friends has too, of course. Debby usually twirls her hair around her fingers when giving a presentation in class, and Brendon bites his nails when he's nervous. But he can't for the life of him think of something as characteristicly deep as thr things he thinks of with Tyler. And Josh _really_ wants to figure out what the hell makes Tyler so interesting.

When they reach Taco Bell, Tyler and Josh ironically enough order the same thing. Not only are both of them from Columbus, Ohio, but they also share a mutual favorite at Taco Bell. They laugh and Josh bumps his shoulder into Tyler's, where they sit next to each other in a booth.

"I heard this really interesting question today on the radio, and it'd be super fun to hear all of your answers to it," Debby states out of the blue. The three others look at her with puzzled faces, Tyler feeling his heart sink a little as he awaits what she'll say next. "What do you think about the future you'll have when you're old? Like, not what you think you'll be doing, but how do you guys feel that that future of yours should be interpreted?"

Josh furrows his eyebrows together, not really understanding why she'd ask something like that and not understanding the question itself either, really. "What?"

"Well, I know what I want to think about my future," she continues, as if she didn't even hear Josh's confusion. "I want it to feel like those days where everything's gone wrong, but at the end you get to lie down in your bed and just close your eyes and feel every weight lift from your shoulders. I want that feeling everyday, the feeling that it's okay and it's going to be okay."

"Why are you so deep about this?" Brendon laughs, scratching at his neck awkwardly. "What kind of question even is that?"

"Come on, guys! It's fun! These questions are fun," Debby pushes, and then turns to Josh with a smile. "What about you, Josh?"

For some reason, Josh finds himself turning to Tyler for a brief moment. Their eyes lock and Josh can't help holding his breath. Bashfully, he turns his eyes to the table in front of him and gets lost in thought. This isn't exactly something he usually thinks about, but for some reason he feels like he has an answer that's kind of just been waiting to be said out loud.

"Uh…I want every day when I'm old to feel like that moment when that _one_ person steps into the room and your heart kinda just stops, you know?" he says. "Kinda like when your favorite band or artist steps up on stage and it feels like the air just vanishes from the room for the first three seconds."

For a few seconds, Josh almost feels like that artist stepping up on stage, because his three friends just go silent at first. But, shortly after he's stated his answer, Debby almost squeals out of joy and starts talking about how beautiful that was. Josh rubs his hands against his thighs and swallows tightly, because that type of focused attention isn't what he expected.

Debby then turns to Brendon and starts urging an answer from him, but Tyler doesn't really pay attention. His eyes are too focused on Josh, who's now laughing at the eagerness from the gingerhaired girl sitting on the opposite side of the table. Josh's answer really threw Tyler off guard, he wasn't expecting something like that to come out of his mouth.

Tyler's been interested by Josh ever since he first saw him this morning, and he's just been sparking more and more interest as the day's gone on. His pink hair and his clothes, and not to mention the start of what seems to be a sleeve tattoo on his right arm. Also not to mention his absolutely _gorgeous_ features.

But, the answer he gave to this question just settles Tyler's attraction to this boy even more. Tyler barely knows Josh, but he's beautiful and he obviously has a beautiful mind, it's hard not to feel drawn to him. And even though Tyler senses Josh's uncertainty about their friendship, he's glad he's getting the type of attention from him that he is.

Tyler has no idea what's going to happen after today, but he's not really keen on thinking about it either. Even though he feels unsure around Debby and Brendon, Josh's presence calms his nerves and gives him courage to relax. And today has been far more relaxed than Tyler could ever have dreamt of.

"I think being old should be like…" Brendon trails off, watching as the waiter brings their food over to their booth. "…when you see your food coming at a restaurant."

Josh laughs that enticing laughter Tyler's already grown fond of, and soon enough Tyler laughs as well. Debby wasn't too pleased by his answer, that's not hard to miss, but she lets it slide seeing as the waiter is here. As soon as he leaves, though, she turns her big excited eyes to Tyler, causing his heart to sink down to his feet.

Josh takes a sip from his Coke, intently watching the nervous boy rattle through his mind for an answer. Tyler flickers his eyes between the three people surrounding him, greatly feeling the warmth from Josh's presence, before settling his eyes on the table.

Tyler knows what he wants to say might sound dark, and depressing. He knows at least two of them would think it was weird. But, why should he lie? If Josh could be as poetic as he was, Tyler can too. And he's _really_ feeling the anticipation from Josh's warm eyes, and he _really_ wants to keep those eyes interested.

"Well, I, uh…" Tyler mumbles quietly. "I actually, uh, want to die before I'm old."


	2. silent in the trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "you made me feel as though I was enough"

The night after Josh first meets Tyler, Josh is awake more hours than he's asleep. For most of the hours he's awake, he thinks of Tyler. He thinks about how nervous he was and how happy Josh felt whenever he could make him laugh, or even just smile. He thinks about the short moment where he noticed his eyelashes and the innocent way they would bat. He thinks about how much the boy seemed to think about everything concerning life in general.

But, for more hours than he'd like to admit, Josh also thinks about how _pretty_ Tyler is. How pretty his eyes are and the curves of his lips and almost most importantly his featherly-like hair. And he thinks about how weird it is that he's thinking like this about a _guy_ , and how weird it is that these thoughts make him… _nervous_ , and how he should probably keep that to himself. Josh has never thought of another person of the same sex as pretty, so he's confused about it to say the least. He pushes those thoughts to the side, because they're weird, and he doesn't want to handle them in the middle of the night.

That night, Tyler is awake for 7 hours and sleeps for one. Well, one and a half. He thinks about everything that happened that day, from the first second he set his foot in the school to the second his uncomfortably goofy roommate Steven said good night. Principally, he thinks about everything he thinks he did wrong.

The way he rushed into the classroom in the morning, interrupting everyone and making them feel uncomfortable. How he'd just glared at Josh when he was friendly and introduced himself, when he first sat down at his table. How he _didn't_ properly introduce himself to Debby. About how he probably made Josh uncomfortable whenever he'd be quiet for several minutes despite how much Josh was talking. And how he ignorantly told three _complete strangers_ he wants to die before he's old.

The hour he falls asleep, is the one where he stops thinking. He was already tired when he'd first gotten into bed, but no matter how tightly he shut his eyes closed he just _couldn't stop thinking_. Instead he spent 7 hours thinking about the day and cursing at himself for acting like he did. Eventually his body overpowered his mind and the need for sleep made his head as quiet as ever, and he fell asleep. Luckily.

* * *

Josh perks up, straightening his back and composing his posture as he sees Tyler enter the classroom. He smiles genuinely at the boy. "Good morning!"

"Morning," Tyler replies with a small smile. Today, he is much happier. Probably because the first lesson of the day is in the music hall. "Did you, uh, sleep well?"

"Not really," Josh replies tiredly. "You?"

"No," Tyler simply says, resisting the urge to tell him he never does anymore.

Not sleeping well isn't a new phenomenon to Tyler, and besides, most people can probably tell just by looking at him that he hasn't really slept well. The dark, portruding circles under his eyes and his messy hair—not that it's ever _not_ messy—is well enough proof of that. But because not sleeping well has been such a constant state of his life, he usually doesn't bother fixing shallow things like his hair. Still, he notices Josh's unsettled aura from not sleeping well. And he thinks it's adorable that he already has small bags under his eyes.

Because Josh, on the other hand, is _not_ used to sleeping poorly. No matter how anxiety induced some of his days can get, he's always found comfort in sleeping. On the weekends he easily sleeps 12-14 hours without interruption, even more if the day's been particularly challenging, so the whole being awake more than asleep thing is new to him. And he tries to deny it, but no matter how many false lies and weak excuses he can think of, he's aware that the pretty boy sitting next to him is the reason behind his sleepless night.

The teacher enters the classroom and starts talking almost before the door has time to close entirely. He, Mr. Berkley, continues his presentation about contemporary music styles and which musical concepts that compromise them. Pretty much no one is taking notes, because everyone has grown accustomed to Mr. Berkley letting them play for the last thirty or forty minutes of his classes—so everyone is just looking forward to that part of the lesson.

The pink-haired boy is pretty much jumping in his seat by the time the teacher gets closer to the end of his presentation, while the featherly-haired boy isn't really paying attention to anything going on in front of him. Instead, he rests his chin in the palm of his hand, and focuses mainly on the soft thuds of Josh bouncing his leg up and down. Soon enough he's even drumming lightly on his thighs, constantly glancing towards the drums in the second room. Tyler smiles to himself, but covers his lips with his fingers.

Every student in the hall nearly flies out of their seats when Mr. Berkley announces that they can now go play their instruments, but Tyler just continues smiling at the nearly childlike anticipation from Josh as he rushes toward the drums. Which can probably be interpreted as _his_ drums, because practically no one else seemed to be heading in that direction, which Tyler thinks is adorable.

And soon enough the entire room is echoing from every corner with several instruments playing all at once. The teacher gives Tyler a weird look, almost as if he's planning to walk over to him and start asking a bunch of _questions_ , which causes Tyler to sleepily get up off of his chair. He's not in the mood for questions he already knows the nature of—he's been through plenty of teachers doing that to him in the past—so, instead he slowly wanders towards where Josh is drumming away in his own little world.

Josh notices the wary boy hesitating right by the doorway into the room with all the instruments, and steadily slows his drumming down. Eventually, he's calmly playing a slow beat while watching Tyler. Josh instantly thinks that Tyler looks good like that—black t-shirt and black jeans, slim shoulders leaning against the doorframe in a lazy manner—but he has to look away anyway. The memory of staying up almost all night because of him getting too much at him.

Then again, it's actually hard for him _not_ to look at Tyler. And now that he's wearing just a t-shirt, his arms reveals more tattoos than the simple hint on his left wrist Josh saw yesterday. At the top of his left arm, on his bicep right below his shoulder, two big squares are placed combined with two thick lines streaming downward. Just above his elbow his arm is decorated with two lines, lingering all the way around. Then there's another one just like that below his elbow.

These tattoos baffle Josh. It's not that he's surprised he has so many tattoos, Josh himself has a nearly complete sleeve, it's just that they seem so random. Especially the seemingly random and odd shapes on his right forearm. But the one he seems to like the most is the one beautifully lacing around Tyler's left wrist. Three, thin lines beautifully framing his hand. In a way, it seems to outline how vulnerable he seems, especially in combination with his delicate wrist.

Tyler notices the way Josh's eyes linger down his arm, and quite frankly he can't help looking at Josh's sleeve in return. Tyler's tattoos all have a _very_ special meaning to him, and he's very aware how comforting tattoos can be to people, so it's not that he judges Josh's—it's just that he finds it a bit odd that he chose to make it so colorful.

No matter the reason, though, Tyler likes it. It only seems to highlight the type of person Josh is and that makes Tyler happy.

"You okay?" Josh asks from across the room, locking eyes with the boy in thought.

Tyler wasn't prepared for Josh to strike up a conversation, none the less start it with a question like _that_. He puts his hands in the front pockets of his jeans and just nods, unsure of how to explain that all he keeps thinking about is how _stunning_ Josh is. Tyler ducks his head a little, and slowly walks through the room. People all around him keep playing, seemingly encaptured by their own little worlds, so he can quietly spectate most of them.

After a moment he spots a keyboard standing in the right hand corner of the room, and the whirlwind in his mind instantly clears out. As soon as he takes position behind it after making sure it's plugged in, he feels at much more ease than just a few seconds ago, fingers mindlessly resting on the keys. Being in deep thought—as always—he keeps his eyes locked on the keys below him and blocks out the rest of the room, blocks out the rest of the instruments playing.

He knows nobody's paying attention because everyone is busy enough playing their own instruments, but he still feels uneasy about playing something. Most of the times when he plays his keyboard he's locked away in the comfort of his own room—alone. And this is how the rest of the lesson is spent.

Josh keeps drumming away, clearly in his own world, but he's constantly keeping an eye on Tyler, as he's awkwardly standing behind the keyboard playing a few chords now and then. The boy with the wild hair wishes there was something he could do to ease the thoughtful boy's mind, but he's fully aware that in this room with all these other people, there's not too much he actually _can_ do.

But as the lesson starts running out of time and people are heading out into the hallways, Josh sees how Tyler relaxes more. In just a matter of a minute or two, he goes from barely pressing down on the keys to playing a complete tune. Josh slows his pace more and more before finally resting his drumsticks lifelessly on the snare drum, and smiles a little to himself as he can tell that Tyler doesn't even notice how quiet the rest of the room is.

" **I know where you stand, silent in the trees** ," Tyler suddenly sings, eyes closed in a soft manner. Josh was not ready for him to sing and holy _fuck_ —his voice is gorgeous. It's soft like cotton, really, while simoultaneously sounding as sharp as a knife looks. " **And that's where I am, silent in the trees**."

Tyler is transported to another world as he continues singing the song he wrote four years ago, completely oblivious to the fact that Josh is listening probably more genuinely and earnestly than he's ever listened to someone's voice before. Josh is completely blown away, he has no idea what to think.

At some level, he knew Tyler could sing—since he personally told him. But with Tyler being almost a walking contradiction—being as pretty as he is with such unique tattoos and such a graceful mind, while being so shy and insecure—he couldn't for the life of him imagine what his voice would sound like. To say the least, he's surprised. In all the _right_ ways, of course.

As he continues listening to him sing, he's incredibly impressed at the control he has. His voice is as soft and sweet as honey and it truly is one of the most heartfelt voices Josh has heard—every word clings to him like glue, there's no doubt about that fact—and it is also one of the brightest, _sharpest_ voices he's heard.

And there is one line that he sings that sticks out the most, that causes Josh's body hair to stand straight up as a result of the incredible goosebumps he gets.

" **I can feel your breath, I can feel my death** ," Tyler sings. His eyes are still closed and his fingers slowly press down on to the keys again. His heart beats just as loudly as it did when he first wrote that line, and all he manages to think about right here and right now is how he _cannot_ cry. Not now, not here, and definitely not in front of Josh.

Josh closes his eyes so he can focus on just his voice, without watching him, and clings to every word he pronounces so delicately as if it was his lifeline. Then he hears, or more rather feels, how he seems to be reaching a pause in the song, and Josh gets an idea. The song is incredible on it's own but Josh just wants to try something to see what kind of reaction he would get from Tyler.

Just as the featherly-haired boy speeds up the chords a little, Josh lightly starts tapping his drumsticks against the hi hat. This causes Tyler's eyes to instantly flutter open, surprisingly locking them with Josh's. Josh continues tapping carefully, looking at Tyler innocently and waiting for his approval.

Although Tyler is surprised, and pretty shocked, his fingers keep pressing the keys repeatedly just like he could do it with a blindfold on. As he flickers his eyes back down to the keyboard, a small smile spreads across his face and the warming eyes of Josh sends shivers right down his spine. Butterflies set off a storm inside his stomach and he bites down on to his lower lip, trying to hide just how extremely happy this makes him.

Josh taps his drumsticks in a beat that he feels matches the keyboard, and for a little while he just relaxes and sits back a little to let Tyler do _his_ magic. Watching the reaction he got tells Josh he probably doesn't receive attention like this when he sings or plays—or just in general. It makes Josh rather sad, and he can only think about wanting to let Tyler showcase just what he can do. So, that's what he does.

" **I know where you stand, silent in the trees, and that's where I am, silent in the trees. Why won't you speak where I happen to be? Standing cowardly, silent in the trees.** "

Once again Tyler's voice brings goosebumps to rise all over Josh's body, and for some reason he doesn't know himself, his heartbeat increases significantly. Josh bites down into his lower lip, focusing on the drums and the sounds of the keyboard gently filling his ears, and being as into the moment as he is—he adds a beat with the snare drum as Tyler continues the song.

Tyler has to close his eyes when singing the next few lines. The song was written in a very emotional state, and a very emotional time in his life, and getting this kind of reaction and positivity for it is…overwhelming. He can already tell that Josh is one of the most compassionate people on this earth, and the fact that he diverts so much attention and curiousity towards Tyler is something he can't fathom.

Soon enough, Josh is full on drumming and he is getting passionately into it. Tyler sways a little, pressing his fingers on to the keys and singing the words that mean the most to him. " **I want to know you…I want to see…I want to say…hello.** "

Josh ends his session with a quick and hard hit against the hi hat, and Tyler forces himself to turn and look at him. Mindlessly, he keeps playing the keyboard, but his eyes are locked with Josh's. It feels like an incredible weight has been lifted from Tyler's shoulders, and it's like he's finally coming up from under the water to breathe.

As he inhales and exhales deeply, he feels the athmosphere sink into him and complete tranquility washes over him. After a moment, the intense nature of their eye contact is too much, mostly for Josh because he for the life of him can't get over how he keeps thinking about how Tyler looks today, so soon enough they both turn away.

Josh clears his throat. "That, uh…That was really good. Did you write that yourself?"

"Yeah," Tyler replies with a nonchalant shrug. "Thank you, by the way. For, uh, drumming along I guess."

A long antagonizing pause falls over the room.

Josh's heart is practically about to burst straight out of his chest, he's never felt like this when playing songs with someone else before. Never. Playing the drums is his passion and call in life, he figured that part out a long time ago. But, something about Tyler seemed to bring out… _more_.

More of the fire, more of the passion and more of the energy. It felt like Josh had been electrocuted and there was nothing else in the room. Nothing but them, using music. _Together_. And Josh doesn't know what to make of that feeling, becuase he's already conflicted about Tyler as it is. All he knows at this point is that he enjoys Tyler's company, it feels easier than with anybody else. It feels safer.

And Tyler takes a moment to process what just happened. It lasted for 30, way too short, seconds and yet—in Tyler's mind it felt like an eternity. The song talks about the strength he needs and looks for a lot of times, and though it has helped him through much in the past, it's never felt like it did just now. Playing and singing like that with _Josh_ …it gave him more of the strength he thought he'd never find. This gorgeous person he's only known for a day and a half already makes him feel like everything actually is going to be okay in the end.

And it's the first time Tyler's ever felt security like that.

"I kind of, uh, needed that," Tyler quietly adds, looking at a spot on the floor in front of him while fidgeting with his fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little filler chapter becuase it wasn't supposed to end like that but then I wrote that last sentence and yeah. I really wanted to post something because it's been forever. But things are going to escalate soon so hang in there!! Thank you frens for reading!


	3. brown eyes are better than blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "and in the middle of all my chaos, there was you"

A few days pass by and Josh is still nowhere close to truly knowing Tyler Joseph. He's learned _so_ much about him, yet there's a million more things to discover. Things that Josh probably couldn't even begin to imagine, but most likely amazing things nonetheless. And Josh thinks it's weird, because in just a couple of days, he's grown more accustomed to being with Tyler, and he feels at much more ease with him than with any of his friends.

The pink haired boy spends much more time than he'd like to admit thinking about this boy. He finds himself twisting and turning at night at the thought of his vulnerable, shaky voice that always sounds like it's on the brink of tears. He thinks about his tattoos and how he feels a strange, random desire to outline every last one of them with his fingertips. And he thinks about Tyler's intricate thought process and his eyes that, for some reason, always look like they're staring straight into your soul.

And Josh feels conflicted upon thinking about all of these things. Tyler is amazing in all ways possible, there's no denying that. Josh has had more sincere conversations with him in just a few days than he's ever had with, say, Mark. And he's known him for years. But, Josh really doesn't understand what it is about Tyler that interests him so much.

Except for the obvious things, such as all the intellectual things he says pretty much any time he opens his mouth, and his infuriating way of seemingly understanding people—AKA Josh himself—better than they understand themselves. These traits truly impress Josh, because he feels like it must be both a gift and a curse to always be thinking as much as Tyler seems to do.

Josh thinks a lot, as well. His anxiety has made sure he'll probably always think twice about most things. But at the same time, the drummer boy can't help but feel like the exact opposite of the singer. He knows by now that they must have at least a _thousand_ things in common, but for some reason Josh feels there's another thousand things they don't have in common at all. And for some reason he wants to explore every single one of those things.

Luckily, though Josh is obvlivious to it, Tyler's thought process is telling him the same. Tyler never sleeps well, but the last couple of night's has been even more sleepless than before. His entire mind is occupied by the pink haired drummer boy. He's entirely blown away by how at home he feels with this boy.

It feels like every single word that rolls off his lips shoot straight into Tyler's heart, and he can't quite pinpoint why that is. The stunning boy surely has a way with words, and phrasing them in a way that feels _safe_. He acknowledges Tyler for everything he truly is on the inside, instead of simply playing along with the mask he puts on among other people. And he has a pure genuinity that he's never experienced within someone before.

The featherly haired boy appreciates raw sincerity and compassion more than anything else, and to him there is no rawer form of these things than Josh. It's easy to read that Josh means every action and every word with every fiber of his being, and Tyler can't believe he had the luck to meet him at this point in his life.

And plus, the way he smiles so bright until his eyes squint together while revealing adorable wrinkles, doesn't exactly help bring Tyler's heartbeat down when thinking about him. Tyler's absolutely convinced he's _never_ seen a prettier boy than him, which only makes things all the more complicated when he seems to try harder to prove he's straight. For no apparent reason.

The first few days, Josh didn't make an effort to prove _anything_ to anybody. They've spent a lot of hours in the music hall, merging their practically identical visions together in a beautiful way. They've talked more about Ohio and old memories they have of their mutual hometown. It's just been the two of them and everything's been so easy.

Though there is so much more for the both of them to discover within each other, they're both aware that there is an unprecedented connection between them. And though it's meant a little more to Tyler than he knows it does to Josh, he's extremely content with having a friend like him.

The only problem is that recently, Tyler's started noticing a slight difference—it's barely noticeable, but still there—in Josh's behaviour. A difference that Josh is aware of, because he _can't_ stop thinking about it himself. He can't stop thinking about the fact that he can't stop thinking about a _guy_. He can't stop thinking about why he can't get him out of his mind, because there isn't a valid reason for him to be so stuck in there.

Right?

* * *

Josh is startled as Debby crashes down next to him at his lunch table, even though he and Tyler were sitting in a comfortable silence. He smiles at her, though it weirdly feels forced, and she returns it with a giddy smile.

" _Hey_ there," Debby jokes, lingering her arm around Josh's neck.

"Hey," Josh murmurs. He wants to shake her arm off of him, but resists the urge to do so. Truth is, he'd much rather sit next to Tyler. "What's up?"

"I was just thinking about heading to the park, you guys want to join?" the overly excited girl asks, smiling brightly at the both of them.

Tyler tears his eyes from his food, slowly lifting them to meet Josh's gaze. Tyler feels that something's off, this kind of "vibe" isn't normally what Josh radiates, but he decides to drop it. _Jesus Christ, you've only known the guy for a couple of days, chill_ , he tells himself, rolling his eyes at himself in his mind.

Josh looks at Tyler and realizes he could probably get lost in his eyes forever, if he'd let him. Everyone's always gushing about blue eyes and their similarity with the ocean, and Josh has always agreed because he finds his brown eyes rather boring, but as he looks into Tyler's right now—he thinks they put the ocean to fucking shame.

"I don't really feel like it," Josh shrugs, returning his eyes to his plate of food. Why on earth did those thoughts about Tyler's eyes surface _right now_?

"Okay," Debby hums. "Josh, can I have a word with you? It'll be just a sec."

Josh is thrown off guard, but still reluctantly stands up from the table. Debby leads him to one of the windows on the left side of the cafeteria, and turns to look at the pink haired boy with a puzzled face. He crosses his arms across his chest, waiting rather impatiently for whatever it is that she so importantly has to say to him alone.

She stays like that for a while, just looking at him. He raises his eyebrows questioningly, eventually letting his guard down and asking her what she wants to say.

"What's up with you and Tyler?" she asks.

"What?" Josh's eyes widen and he shifts uncomfortably. Are his conflicted feelings toward him really that obvious? "What do you mean what's up with me and Tyler?"

"Nothing, I just…You've barely done _anything_ without him these last few days," Debby shrugs.

"So? He and I clicked instantly, that's it," Josh counters. He doesn't really understand why he's getting so defensive about this, but she's not exactly helping him figure his feelings—whichever nature they are of—out.

"And that's great, Josh," Debby smiles softly. She locks her eyes with his, despite how much he tries to avoid it. "I'm really happy for you, you guys seem to be really close and you're somehow, I don't know, _shining_ when you're with him. Are you, like, _into_ him?"

Josh nearly chokes on his own saliva. " _Into_ him? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, I—" Debby starts.

"Debby, you know I'm not gay," Josh furrows his eyebrows together, his heartbeat increasing significantly while his mind immediately starts running on overdrive. "I dated _you_ , remember?"

"Yeah, I remember that, Josh," she chuckles and throws a quick glance in Tyler's direction. "I don't know, it was just a crazy observation of mine, I guess."

And with that, she walks out of the cafeteria. Just like that. Leaving Josh with even more frustrating thoughts and feelings, as if his mind isn't already occupied with a million different feelings at once already. He takes a deep breath, placing the palms of his hands against his thighs, and turns to look at Tyler.

Tyler tries to pretend he wasn't just watching all of that take place, but fails miserably and feel his cheeks turn bright pink as he diverts his eyes back to his lunch. He thinks about every possible thing that he could've talked about with Debby, but nothing of particular sense comes to his mind. Instead, butterflies wake up inside him as Josh starts making his way back to him.

This… _crush_ that Tyler has developed over these days isn't helping his anxiety one bit, especially not since he can tell by the way Josh acts that he still doesn't know what to make of their friendship. And Tyler _wouldn't_ have a problem keeping this at a friendship level—he's never had a friend even close to the one he's found in Josh, so that would be more than enough.

But it is a problem _because of_ Josh. Because Tyler knows that Josh feels that their connection is something special, but that he can't decide what he feels about it. And it's frustrating the _shit_ out of Tyler. One second, the pink haired boy does things like purposely spreading his legs when sitting next to Tyler just so their knees will brush against each other, setting of a fire like nothing else inside him. And the next second he's caving in to Debby, play flirting and kissing her on the cheek constantly.

"Everything okay?" Tyler quietly asks, not bothering to look at the boy as he sits down in front of him.

"Yeah, yeah," Josh hurries to state. "She just, uhm…had some things to vent about."

Josh's heartbeat still isn't calming down, _at all_ , and he's having troubles focusing on eating his lunch. Why did Debby have to ask him that question? And why did she have to phrase it like _that_? He's unsure of what he's done to even make her think he'd be into Tyler. He's a boy, after all, and she knows Josh is straight.

But as Josh thinks about it more and more, _maybe_ she's not on the completely wrong track. He can't deny that there is some sort of attraction to Tyler, because if he is to be honest with himself, that boy is pretty out of this world. Then again, just because he thinks he's pretty, doesn't mean he's gay. There's nothing wrong with admitting when people look good, no matter what gender they are.

A part of Josh would just like to grab Tyler and straight out ask him why he can't stop thinking about him. Exactly what it is that intrigues Josh so much, because Josh has never felt such a burning interest for anyone before. Debby is great and all, but not even when they were a couple did he feel interested in the same way for her as he now is for Tyler.

This is extremely hard for Josh to handle and think about, he has no idea how to work with these thoughts. Throughout his, primarily teen life, people have labeled him as a womanizer. Which he can admit to being true—on some level, but mostly because he was always told that was the case. So, why is he all of a sudden thinking like this about a guy? Where has it come from?

"Sorry, I'm going to the bathroom real quick," Josh clears his throat and pushes his chair back as he stands up from the table.

Tyler barely has time to catch a glimpse of him before he's out in the hallway. Josh runs his hands across his face, hating everything about this. Hating that his heart won't calm down, hating that he can't keep his mind clear, hating that he feels so conflicted about a freaking boy. He doesn't understand what there is to be conflicted about.

He hates that this subject is so new to him, while simoultaneously not being new. Never in his life has he ever viewed someone of the same sex as pretty, yet he recognizes the thing that makes him drawn to Tyler as attraction. That's nothing new—he knows what attraction feels like. He's just never experienced attraction like this, putting aside the fact that it is directed to a guy.

Just as Josh is about to open the door into the bathroom, something in the far end of the hallway catches his attention. Some jock guys that Josh recognizes are putting something up on a wall, laughing and—what it seems like—sending snaps about whatever it is to other people. The vibe is easily recognized, too. It's not exactly friendly joy.

Finding something else to focus his mind on, Josh decides to walk over to take a look. The guys laugh even harder and say something about "the star" coming closer, but before the pink haired boy has the chance to ask them what's going on, they slowly jog past him with some more papers in their hands.

As he gets closer to the board on the wall, he slowly starts realizing what it is. At first it looks like a low quality picture somebody took on their phone and then decided to print out on paper, but once his vision steadies on the actual motive of the paper, he instantly freezes in his steps. _What the_ …he thinks, breathtaken.

It's a sketch. Of _Josh_.

Memories of Tyler sketching in his notebooks during several classes flood Josh's mind. Memories of a sketch block decorating his bedside table, doodles covering some of his textbooks and slight mentions of interest in art all come rushing to Josh at the same time. And it takes him a few seconds before he remembers the jock guys laughing about putting this up.

"Fuck," he breathes and instantly starts rushing towards the cafeteria.

The boy running down the hallway hear words like "queer" and "fucking stalker" being thrown into the air from the cafeteria, and anger bubbles up inside him. He reaches the cafeteria only to be greeted with a sight of a full, chaotic scene. The same jock guys Josh saw just s few moments earlier are surrounding the table he and Tyler were seated at, taunting the lonely boy with the papers.

"Where did you get that?" Tyler spits, trying to remain calm while rising from his seat.

"Does it matter?" one of them retaliates, dangling the paper in front of him. "Is this a little crush, huh? Or are you just a queer stalker?"

Josh confidently walks up to the guy holding the papers and without hesitating shoves him back with force. "What the hell are you doing?"

Josh's mind is all over the place at the moment, and although he's still confused about Tyler actually sketching him—if it even was him—he can't focus on that right now. The thing that is at stake is the fact that the drawing was personal and Tyler obviously didn't want them to be public, and stealing it or whatever these jocks did, is a dick move.

Tyler is angry, and mostly upset, but he gets flustered at the sight of Josh standing up like this for him. The boy with the featherly hair takes a stand back, trying his absolute best to ignore the burning eyes from everyone else inside the cafeteria.

"Give those back," Josh states. Tyler notices how he puffs his chest, and how incredibly broad his shoulders actually are. "I said give those back, dick."

" _Oh_ ," the one holding the papers chuckle. "So, this is a thing? You guys are like, what, _lovebirds_?"

Josh shoves him again, this time with even more force. The jock stumbles back into a table, and as he's thrown off guard, Josh yanks the papers from his hand. For a second it looks like he contemplates throwing a punch to the guy's face, but Tyler is incredibly relieved as he seems to decide against it.

Tyler's stomach is twisting and turning like crazy, and he could literally melt through the ground as Josh places a hand to his shoulder and asks if he's okay. The boy in shock barely manages to nod before Josh is turning him around, keeping his hand steady on his shoulder as the two of them walk out into the hallway.

As they rush through the halls with Tyler's room being the destination in mind, Tyler's vision is getting all the more blurry. His hands are trembling and if it wasn't for the reassuring squeezes Josh repeatedly pushes on to his shoulder, he'd probably be on the floor at this point. Not so much because of what the dick jocks did, but more because of the sketch.

Tyler is somewhat used to being bullied, pushed to the side and practically forgotten. That doesn't get to him as much anymore. But he was just getting used to having someone like Josh around. Having someone who genuinely cares for him, who honestly wants him to be okay. _And now_ , he thinks, _Josh is going to think he's a fucking stalker_.

But because of what just happened, Josh is only thinking about one thing. It doesn't matter that Josh feels a weird attraction to towards Tyler, it doesn't matter that he doesn't know why he feels so freaking safe with him, and it really doesn't matter what others think about their incredible connection. Because it's there and Josh doesn't want it to go away.

He wants to keep Tyler safe. And fuck confused feelings, and fuck overthinking things so damn much. At this point, all he knows is that he wants to keep Tyler safe. As friends or friends who for some reason are attracted to each other or whatever it is that they are—Josh just wants Tyler to be _safe_.

"Are you okay?" Josh asks him again as Tyler sits down into his bed.

"Yeah, yeah," Tyler breathes as the boy in the ripped jeans walks over to close the door. His eyes flicker to the paper in his hand and his heart flutters. "I'm fine, don't worry."

As Josh turns back around to face the poor boy sitting on his bed with eyes that look like a deer caught in headlights. Both of their hearts are beating loudly, almost in synch. Josh remembers the papers in his hand and tilts them slightly, admiring the one on top. He knows by now that Tyler is talented in more than just one way, but he'd never guess he was _this_ talented at drawing, too.

Tyler's breath hitches as he opens his mouth to say something but decides not to. He wishes he could yank the sketch from Josh's hand, but at the same time there's a bittersweet taste to watching him look at it. And though Tyler's usually good at reading people, there's no telling what's going on under that gorgeous pink hair of his.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Josh says and walks over to stand in front of Tyler.

They lock eyes for a short moment before he places the paper on his bedside table before sitting down next to him. For a moment they sit like that, in silence. Tyler plays with his fingers, thinking of something to say—anything really, just to prove how grateful he is for Josh's presence. But he feels like there are no words that would suffice. And he feels like Josh probably isn't ready to hear words like that being directed at him.

Josh's mind is running on overdrive, once again. Every possible thought is running through his mind all at once. The attraction, the comfort, the joy, the confusion, the fact that he doesn't give a shit. But simoultaneously, his heartbeat probably couldn't be calmer. There's just something about being there with Tyler.

Josh turns so that he's facing the featherly haired boy, their knees brushing gently against each other. A half smile spreads across his lips, a smile the boy in front of him could melt for, as he says, "You know, those guys are assholes."

Tyler laughs quietly, directing his gaze to his hands. "I know. I've met a few of them in my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ending is so messy,,, I'm sorry


	4. brisk air, warm touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "baby, too much is not enough"

Tyler steps out into the cold, fresh morning and sharply inhales the air. It's almost _too_ brisk, and his sleepless mind is still incredibly tired from staying up on overdrive all night—as usual. He squints his eyes at the sight of the sun prettily shining through a bunch of trees in the distance, and finds himself walking towards it.

He doesn't get a lot of calm, peaceful moments like this. _**Pieces of peace in sun's peace of mind**_ , he hums in his mind. The trees almost tangle into each other, creating a beautiful tangle of leaves, branches and sunshine. Tyler has about two hours until most students wake up, some might even be waking up now if they're overly ambitious, so he decided—once he woke up ten minutes ago—that he would spend the next two hours in peace. Alone.

That way, he can think without being bothered by too enthusiastic girls like Debby, or annoyingly loud guys like Mark, or staring jocks like the ones from the other day. Without the feeling of Josh's eyes constantly _hovering_. Ever since the incident with the sketch, Josh has been too cautious around him, and he doesn't like it. He's been too attentive.

Then again, with Josh checking up on him as often as he does now, at least Tyler can get somewhat of an idea of his feelings are progressing. Tyler has tried to deny it to himself and he's tried to lie, but he's falling for Josh. It's happening slowly, but he can feel it each day. And he wants it to stop because he _knows_ he'll get disappointed.

It's happened too many times in the past. People get close to him, because Tyler knows how to hide everything that's wrong with him. When they get too close and see just _how_ messed up he is, they leave. And Tyler understands that—if he met himself he'd probably leave, too. He can't judge the ones who have.

But, he _can't help_ being drawn to Josh. There's a part of Tyler that truly doesn't give a fuck that Josh is conflicted and confused and whatever, because he's stunning, funny and frankly the most comfortable person to be around that Tyler's ever met. How could he possibly shut him out when every fiber of his being wants nothing but be close to him?

"Can't sleep?"

Tyler looks over his shoulder, heart almost exploding through his chest then and there. Josh is standing a few feet away from him, pink messy hair covered by a black hoodie, with his hands in his pockets. It's almost taking everything Tyler has to stop himself from walking up and kissing him, which he obviously knows would be crossing a line.

"Not really," Tyler shrugs, and turns around. As he continues walking just as slowly and sleepily as before, a smile spreads across his lips as Josh joins him to his left. "What about you?"

Josh hesitates a little before finally answering. "Uh, no I couldn't really sleep. My mind won't shut up."

"Same," Tyler chuckles, looking down at the ground.

Together, they walk towards the grove where the sun is still as persistent as before in shining through the trees. Josh can't get over how much more time he spent thinking about the featherly haired boy next to him rather than sleeping last night. _Again_. And his mind wanders back to the other day, when he saw the sketch.

The boy with the pink hair feels… _flustered_ , at the thought of it, and he finds himself imagining Tyler's fingertips sketching something on his skin. Lately, he's been feeling a lot of urges of wanting to touch Tyler, in _any way_ really. An arm around his shoulders, thighs brushing together, high fives for _nothing_. He wonders if Tyler's reflected about it.

"I just wanted to tell you that, uhm.. I really appreciated that sketch you did," Josh mumbles, barely daring to gaze at the boy next to him. They haven't talked about it and honestly, Josh just feels like he _has_ to praise him for it. "I don't care that you did it. I was really flattered, and those jocks are idiots anyway."

"You liked it?" Tyler replies shyly, he still feels embarrassed that Josh found it.

" _Yes_ ," Josh quickly says. "It was amazing, you're really talented, Tyler."

Tyler practically shudders at the sound of Josh pronouncing his name like that. It sounds so delicate and gentle, and he can't believe someone like Josh could choose to spend his time with someone like him. More often than not, Tyler feels misplaced and like he doesn't belong with any sort of crowd.

But Josh erases every single feeling of that. Tyler feels as if Josh and him are old souls who met a thousand years ago, because there's just… _something_ about him. Something that feels safe and something that feels like home. Something that makes him feel like everything that's ever been wrong is suddenly right, like the puzzle of life is finally falling in to place.

And he wishes he could tell Josh that, because Josh is clueless. He's come to terms with some things, but there are still feelings and thoughts that carry questionmarks. Fact is that Josh _really_ fucking enjoys Tyler. Fact is that Josh feels _really_ fucking comfortable whenever he is physically close to him. And fact is that Josh _really_ doesn't fucking care what others think about that.

Yet, he still can't come face to face with it. He knows there's nothing wrong with it and he knows his friends wouldn't judge him, but…It's _different_. And Josh takes things for granted easily—when things work at a certain pace, he finds comfort in things being as they are. It's taken him years to come face to face with his anxiety, and now he has a group of friends who he enjoys being with.

And here is this _new_ , different feeling. It's almost intruding his comfort zone. But, the odd thing is that while it in a way scares him, he likes it. Because Tyler makes his heart beat just a little faster—he feels so _alive_ when he's with him.

As they approach the grove, the sun glistening on the both of them in the brisk morning air, Josh lets his hands fall from the pockets of his hoodie. His arm gently brushes against Tyler's while the backs of their hands touch as well, and there that feeling is _again_. The feeling of wanting to touch him, feel his gentle skin against his own. Both of them are used to being close to each other constantly by now, really, which is why Josh doesn't hesitate.

Slowly, he moves his arm so that his forearm is pressed against Tyler's. His breathing hitches in his throat and though his heart could literally explode at any given second, it feels like time slows down into slowmotion as his fingers gently run down the palm of the other boy's hand. His palm is soft like cotton and Josh could just graze it forever, but instead he continues grazing down his hand.

After what feels like eternity—in heaven, really—Josh places his fingers in between the quiet boy's fingers. Tyler's are cold from the brisk air against Josh's naturally warm skin, but neither one of them hesitate as their fingers lace together. A breath of relief and absolute content escapes Josh's lips as nothing changes in the air between them.

Tyler feels dizzy and his heart churns. He can't believe this is happening, the heat from Josh's palm literally radiating off his skin and soothing Tyler's heart. At least this is a bit of confirmation that whatever Josh is fighting to come to terms about with himself, it's leaning more and more towards accepting the fact that he just might be into Tyler.

Yet, Tyler is utterly and totally confused. Why would someone as interesting and immensely great as Josh be into someone so broken and torn like him? And why on earth would he want to holds hand with him…when people could _see_ them?

"Is this…okay?" Josh murmurs after a while.

Tyler actually wants to _laugh_ at that, because _fuck_ if this didn't feel right. The warmth from Josh's hand encompassing Tyler's cold one, their fingers tightly lacing together as if they're both desperate to latch on to each other. To the boy with the featherly hair, it feels like he's been waiting for this moment forever. Like all of his dark moments, he's been missing Josh—he just wasn't aware of it until he actually met him.

But, it takes him a moment to understand exactly what Josh means. Tyler turns to look at him for a moment. His head is slightly hung, eyes focused on the steps he's taking and cheeks gently flustered. _Oh_ , Tyler realizes. Of course Josh knows this is more than just okay, he senses every bit of safety as Tyler does. He just wants to know that him feeling the way he is, is okay.

And that saddens Tyler. There is no part of him that wants to pressure Josh into _anything_ , absolutely not. But, this vibe from Josh is new. Ever since they first met, he's given off the impression that he's someone who's free. Someone who isn't ashamed to be who they are and someone who takes pride in every single emotion.

"Yeah," Tyler nods. He even dares to squeeze his hand reassuringly. "Of course."

Tyler hates that there is someone or something that makes Josh feel like this wouldn't be okay. He recognizes it and understands it, of course, it's nothing new to him. But, he really doesn't want Josh to feel what he has felt himself way too many times. Having people belittle you for your feelings, no matter how pure and genuine they are, is one of the most crushing things Tyler knows.

And Josh is the last person who deserves to feel belittled.

Josh smiles—at least it's a half smile—but he still wishes he could calm his heartbeat down. Everything about this feels right, so why does it feel like he's going to collapse at any given second? Why does it feel like his knees want to give up and why does it feel like the earth is spinning all around him?

It doesn't take very long before the pink haired boy realizes why he feels such an adrenaline rush. Holding Tyler's hand makes everything feel right. Sure, he loves his friends and some of his best moments have been with them. He's genuinely happy with them and the years he's spent with them can't be replaced.

Still, every second spent with Tyler beats every single one of those. What he felt when he was dating Debby didn't even come close to what he's feeling now. She made him happy, but from the very beginning of their pretty much forced romantic relationship, he knew it'd never last. At least not in _that_ way, because it never felt as spectacular as everything happening right now does.

Having everything, literally everything, feel so pure and secure and absolutely _right_ is too big of an unfamiliarity for Josh.

"Do you, uh," for once, _Josh_ is the flustered one. "Do you want to skip school today?"

Tyler looks at him, and feeling how nervous he is about the whole situation, he hopes he can make him feel more comfortable. " _You_ want to skip school?"

Josh visibly relaxes, smiling brightly with his tongue peaking through his teeth. "I'm not really the goody-two-shoes you seem to think I am."

"Is that so?" Tyler says quietly with a soft smile. He enjoys making Josh happy and relaxed, and though he isn't used to leading their conversations, he continues. "Why do you want to skip school?"

Josh furrows his eyebrows together in thought, trying to hide the smile that's obviously playing on his lips. _Why does he want to skip school_? He averts his eyes down to their interlaced hands, and his body feels warm. And fuzzy, and so he smiles even more.

If he is to be honest with himself, he could probably sit down and just talk to Tyler for days on end. There is nothing he doesn't want to know about him. He is the most interesting person he's ever had the pleasure of meeting, and he never wants to let him go. It doesn't matter that every time he sets his eyes on Tyler there's a wild fluttering in his heart.

And as he turns to look at him now, he really thinks a storm is set off inside him. Even though his delicate fingers are safely wrapped around his own, the now all-too-familiar desire of wanting to feel his touch all over, washes over him. Tyler's freezing fingers are practically the thing that pulls him back to reality.

"Are you cold?" Josh murmurs, referring to his hand.

Tyler opens his mouth to reply but before he has the chance to say anything at all, Josh slowly brings their hand up to the same level as his chest. Though his heart could jump out of his chest, he sweetly bends down and hovers his lips over the back of Tyler's hand and lets his hot breath dance across his skin.

As if this was the most common thing in the world, he smiles and hangs his hand back down, still lingering his fingers around Tyler's. Tyler feels his heartrate increase significantly, and it suddenly gets hard to breathe. Affection like this is too rare in his world. And the fact that it is now coming from someone as incredible as Josh is hard for Tyler to wrap around his head.

But suddenly, Josh realizes what he just did, and practically stops walking altogether. _Why did I do that_? he asks himself over and over again. It felt as right as breathing, yet his heart wants to beat out of his chest. Did he really just bring his _lips_ to a _boy's_ hand?

"Uh, sorry, I—" he murmurs, retracting his hand from Tyler's. The loss of contact with his skin makes his heart skip a beat, but at this point he is feeling all kinds of confused.

"No—" Tyler starts, just as shocked as the boy next to him.

"That was weird," Josh states with furrowed eyebrows.

Tyler frowns at his words, because he can't understand why he's trying so hard to make this feel so wrong, when it feels so right. Them holding hands just five seconds ago wasn't nothing and Tyler knows that Josh felt how _right_ it was. But even though Josh being seemingly uncapable of making his mind up, which frustrates Tyler, there's nothing he can do.

He knows this isn't familiar to Josh, and the last thing he wants is to make him feel forced to do anything. It's just frustrating to Tyler because while he doesn't want to push him into anything he doesn't feel comfortable with, he wants to lead the way and show that there's nothing about this to be scared about.

Then again, Tyler needs to slow down. He can't get his hopes up, at least not yet. He doesn't understand how he could possibly stop himself from falling as hard as he is, but he knows he should try. _Should_.

* * *

"Uh, a vanilla latte for me and…a black coffee, two sugars and _no milk_ ," Josh says, furrowing his eyebrows together slightly as he unsurely looks at the pretty boy in front of him. Tyler smiles softly and nods, making Josh smile even brighter. "That'd be all, thank you."

"I can't believe you remember," Tyler murmurs into the palm of his hand as he rests his chin into it, smiling foolishly to himself.

"Sure I do," Josh shrugs.

As Josh looks at Tyler and feels his heart flutter at the sight of his gorgeous facial features, regret about letting go of his hand earlier washes over him and he just wants to be close. Not in a weird way, and not even in an intimate way. Just _close_. And clos _er_ than they are at the moment, on opposite sides of a high table.

Though Josh still feels like all these feelings towards Tyler seem… _intrusive_ , in a way, he's slowly coming to terms with the effects that this boy has on him. Because when Josh looks past gender, there's no denying he enjoys people that make his heart race a little faster. And _Tyler_ just happens to make his heart race faster than everybody else.

Smoothly enough, Josh puts on his best acting face and pretends his chair is uneven. As if a screw is loose, or something. He gets off it and sways it back and forth a little, with eyebrows furrowed in fake concentration, before mumbling something about how "uneven it is". As he stands up straight again, he wraps his fingers around his vanilla latte and slowly slides it closer to Tyler's cup.

Then he sits down on the chair that is next to him, instead of being in front of him. And even though he thinks Tyler doesn't notice, a fire is set off inside the featherly haired boy as Josh purposely spreads his legs just so their knees will touch. And Josh thinks it's funny because he's never experienced a person who can make his heart beat faster than ever, while simoultaneously make him feel more at ease.

"What is it that keeps you awake, anyway?" Tyler asks like a lightning from blue skies, fidgeting with his fingera around his cup.

Josh flickers his eyes across Tyler, unsure of how to answer that question. _You, because you're the most incredible person I've ever met and I literally cannot stop thinking about you_ , Josh thinks. And truthfully, Josh wishes he could actually say those words. Tyler is nothing short of amazing and he really wants him to know that, but…the timing isn't right.

As Tyler studies Josh, he can't help but smile at the sight of him getting flustered, again, because of him. Though Tyler doesn't want to act on his feelings, he can tell that Josh is leaning into it more and more. And the boy with the featherly hair is _always_ awake more hours than he's alseep, but lately he's just thankful that Josh is the thing occupying his late night thoughts. It's much more safe than usual.

And Tyler can tell by his reaction to the question that Josh probably thinks about him, too.

"You, uh, just look tired," Tyler smiles softly. "That's all."

"I don't know, really," Josh mumbles. He bobs his foot up and down from the footrest of the chair, and the feeling of his knee softly rubbing against Tyler's is a comfort. "I've got a lot on my mind, I guess. I'm still crazy impressed by your music, that's one thing."

Tyler chuckles. "You don't mean that."

"Yes, I _do_. You need to show me more of your own stuff," Josh pushes, firmly locking their eyes together.

"And you need to drum with me more," Tyler counters. "I still don't understand how you got that good, dude. Are you _sure_ you're self taught?"

Josh smiles that way that makes Tyler's heart completely melt—when his eyes squint and his tongue peaks through his teeth—and laughs. "I'm sure. It got to the point where the shop owner practically had to kick me out because others wanted to play."

"That's actually sick, though," Tyler laughs as well—something he's realized happens more often now that he's met the boy with pink hair. "Your story of talent is much cooler than mine."

"You're self taught, too," Josh retaliates and takes a sip from his latte, not breaking eye contact even for a split second.

"Well, yeah," the boy next to him shrugs, carelessly. "And how far have I come?"

"How far have _I_ come?" Josh chuckles, putting his cup down dangerously close to Tyler's. "We're just in college. Give it time."

Without really thinking about it, Tyler shuffle his hands so the backs of his fingers, that are wrapped around his cup, gently graze against the backs of Josh's fingers. His eyes avert to the sudden feeling of skin against skin, and though it isn't much, Tyler's lips can't help but pull upward. He's still amazed by how such little details make him so happy.

He hasn't been genuinely happy in a really long time, and he's afraid that maybe this sudden attention and affection from Josh is making him overreact to everything. Maybe this isn't as amazing as it feels, and it's just because he's been without attention for too long?

Then again, Tyler realizes how special this is. How special _Josh_ is, and how none of this could possibly be an overreaction. Not with someone as genuine and pure as the boy sitting next to him with flaming wild, pink hair and warm mocha eyes that no matter the situation instantly makes you feel like nothing is wrong.

Josh fixates his eyes on their fingers gently brushing against each other, biting down into his lower lip. He remembers how safe it felt actually holding his hand, and as usually, his mind starts to wander. What if he actually did try something _more_ with Tyler? Would he even feel the same and what would happen if he did? Would he himself even like it?

The thing is, there's no question about whether or not Josh enjoys being with Tyler, because no matter what they do or where they are or whether or not they're even talking, there's nothing he enjoys more than the presence of this boy. The only question is, why does he feel this intensively about a _boy_ when it's _never_ happened before?

Obviously, there is no denying the connection these two have. As they lock eyes, there's also no denying that both of them are aware of it.

"There you guys are!" an all too familiar voice exclaims behind the two boys. Debby approaches their table with a smirk, some guy following closely behind. "Have you been hiding out here all day?"

Josh presses the home button of his phone lying on the table, to realize that it's almost 4:30pm and that yes, they've been sat in this café together all day so far. " _Oh_ , uh, yeah. Looks that way."

"Well, this is Jake, anyway. The guy I've told you about," Debby says, pulling the awkward guy standing behind her to come closer.

Tyler watches as Josh, being the positive and pure person he is, politely greets this Jake guy and introduces him to Tyler. The only thing is, he refers to the quiet, introverted guy next to him as a friend. Which Tyler thinks is okay—because really, that's all they are. Yet he can't shake the feeling that _friends_ don't look at him the way Josh does.

And even though they are friends, because they truly are, Tyler also thinks about how all of his other friends _definitely don't_ make him feel the way Josh does. _I guess that's my problem_ , he thinks to himself and watches as the stale, mandatory conversation continues.

"Do you guys want to sit?" Josh offers, much to Tyler's dismay.

"No, we're just grabbing something to drink and then heading back to campus," Debby sweetly declines and then leans closer to whisper something so only Josh can hear. "We'd be third wheeling this thing you've got, anyway."

Tyler curiously but stiffly watches as Debby smiles brightly before heading toward the order desk. For the first time since they met, Josh actually _blushes_. And Tyler legitimately thinks he's going to sink through the ground at the sight of it. He wants to call him out on it, but decides against it just as he parts his lips.

Josh takes a rather large sip from his vanilla latte, avoiding to look at Tyler for a solid _minute_. Why does Debby have to put thoughts like that in his mind? _Like I'm not having a hard time to restrain from looking at his lips already_ , Josh mentally groans.

"Can I just, uh, say that—in the least weird way possible," Josh mumbles and focuses intently on the cup in front of him. "I just, I think you're pretty."

Tyler basically chokes on air, but quickly has time to cover it up as a normal cough. Suddenly, the feeling of Josh's skin softly pressed to Tyler's feels like fire. With gasoline constantly being poured into it.

"You do?" is stupidly enough the thing that leaves Tyler's mouth first. He doesn't mean to make Josh even more flustered—albeit it _is_ adorable—so he blinks and swallows a few times before replying with something better. "Well, uh, then I mean this in the least weird way possible, too. I, uh…also think you're pretty."

The next few seconds are—they're not awkward, but they both feel flustered and giddy at the same time. And the both of them decide to focus their eyes on their cups sitting on the table in front of them for a while. The silence that falls upon the two boys is luckily comfortable instead of awkward, and Josh's mind feels like it's been running three marathons in a row.

Did he _really_ just say that out loud? To Tyler himself? And Tyler said the _same_ thing back to him? _Holy shit_ , he thinks to himself and fidgets a little with his fingers around his cup, bringing him back to the reality that they're still pretty close to holding hands.

As they both look up and lock eyes, both of them smile and laugh. And Josh can't get over how _soft_ his laughter is. He knows exactly how he perceives Tyler's voice whenever he speaks, it's vulnerable and almost always sounds like it's on the brink of tears, but his laughter— _fuck_. It makes him feel all warm inside.

* * *

Josh drops his hands from his pockets as they start approaching the campus, happiness still ringing clear all around him. The two decided to walk over to taco bell to eat something lighter, before realizing that they probably should get back to campus before it's _way_ too late and their dean will punish them.

The backs of their hands brush together, and Josh thinks back to this morning when he literally held hands with the featherly haired boy walking quietly next to him, and his heart skips a beat. He'd like to do it again. _Yeah, definitely_ , he concludes to himself, but for some reason he can't work up the courage to actually do it.

"Who would've thought someone like you could skip school _all_ day?" Tyler jokes provocatively as he holds the entrance doors to the campus open for Josh.

Josh laughs right back, easily nudging his elbow into Tyler's side. "We had a good time, didn't we?"

Tyler turns to face Josh, and he's greeted with the sweetest of smiles. It's literally impossible not to smile whenever Josh is around. He stuffs his hands back into the pockets of his sweater, his right arm completely pressed to Josh's side. None of them care, because none of them reflect about it. Constant, casual and delicate touches has become a part of their time together.

On the way to their dorm rooms, Tyler makes yet another joke about how he never thought Josh would be able to skip school without feeling guilty, which causes Josh to laugh loudly and jokingly make a comment about how repetitively annoying he is.

His laughter gently fades, though, as they approach Tyler's dorm number sooner than either of them expected. Josh is the one to realize that they're just outside of his door, so he abruptly stops walking, which in it's turn causes Tyler to practically walk right into him. The featherly haired boy takes a small step back, still standing dangerously close to the boy in front of him.

This makes both of them laugh, still giddy and hyped up from basically laughing the entire way back to campus. Josh looks at Tyler and the feeling he's had lingering all over him all day, starts making itself reminded again. He just wants to be _close_. He wants to be close to Tyler in every way possible.

Before the moment of intensity and happiness and absolute content disappears, Josh for the first time since he first laid eyes on Tyler, decides to act on his feelings. He's feeling too happy right now not to, and after these two weeks and after _today_ , he can't see a reason not to. Everything about the moment is right.

So, he leans over and presses his lips to Tyler's. It scares the _shit_ out of him because he's never pressed _his lips_ to another _boy's lips_ before, but it doesn't take more than a split second for him to visibly relax and lean into it. He closes his eyes and focuses on nothing but the taste of Tyler's lips against his. And how fucking _good_ he tastes.

Tyler's visibly taken aback, but it really doesn't take long before their lips mold together with unsurprising ease. Josh curls his right hand around Tyler's neck, taking a step closer to him so their upper bodies are practically glued together. One of his legs even end up in between Tyler's. Because Josh just wants to be close, and closer, and _fuck_ Tyler tastes good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't happy with this at first but then I continued and,, yay! If you have tumblr please follow me @ spookyisconcerned! Also comments and thoughts are greatly appreciated, thank you!!


	5. ethereal feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "he could be the silence in this mayhem"

The next two days are a complete bliss. And kind of a blur, at least to Josh. The scene of him kissing Tyler has been playing on repeat nonstop. The taste of Tyler's lips still linger on his own, even though it's been well over 48 hours. Every time he closes his eyes, all he can think about is how he's never experienced anything so… _out of this world_ , before.

He keeps feeling Tyler's soft lips against his. The way he laced his hand around Tyler's neck so they would be closer. How every inch of their upper bodies were pressed together. How one of his legs were placed in between the featherly haired boy's legs. But most importantly, he can still feel how delicately Tyler touched him.

How his hands automatically found their way to Josh's waist and how his fingers would tightly grab on to the sides of his hoodie. Though there were at least two layers of fabric between his fingers and Josh's waist, Josh still feels the burning intensity of how it felt—having Tyler's hands on him in _that_ way—as if there was nothing in between them.

It wasn't as if the kiss was over exaggeratedly heated. The kiss was slow and passionate and even though it wasn't like they were all over each other, it was intense on a whole other level. They didn't need to be completely hands on for Josh's entire body to feel like it was set on fire. All they needed was each other, in that moment.

Tyler still isn't over it, either. He can barely believe that Josh seems to enjoy being around him as much as he does, so the fact that Josh was the one to actually kiss him was surprising to say the least. He still feels dizzy upon thinking about it. It was a spectacular mix of feelings all at once and it's something Tyler wishes he had the luck of experiencing more often.

Josh has a special effect on Tyler. He manages to make him weak in the knees while simoultaneously making him feel safer than ever before, and this is something he does by just being around him. And for their kiss—Tyler finds himself thinking about it as their _first_ kiss, as if he's taking it for granted that there will be more—he managed to completely knock the wind out of him, while also breathing so much life into him.

"Tyler? _Tyler_ ," Josh murmurs, waving his hand in front of his face.

"What? Oh, uh…yeah," Tyler smiles, returning to reality. The reality that is the two of them sitting dangerously close together on a couch in one of the lounge rooms. "You were saying?"

Josh laughs as he rests back into the couch. "I just texted my mom saying I won't come home tonight, seeing as your parents are out of town and you'd be alone all weekend if I went back home."

"You what?" Tyler asks and sits up straight, turning slightly so he can look directly at Josh. "Why would you do that?"

"I don't want you to be alone," Josh shrugs. He really wasn't prepared for Tyler to react like this—he figured it'd just be all smiles and rainbows, seeing as this means they'll get to spend the entire weekend almost completely alone. "Unless you… _want_ me to go?"

"No," Tyler replies a little too fast for his own liking. Just because they kissed once doesn't mean he needs to be too attached instantly. "Uh, no, I don't."

Josh smiles triumphantly and softly, and moves to rest his arm on the backrest right behind the shoulders of the featherly haired boy. He stretches his legs out in front of him and as he discreetly runs his eyes across Tyler as he sees the boy pull his phone out, his mind starts wandering. It seems to do that a lot when he looks at Tyler.

Though Josh knows Tyler kissed him back—yeah, he _definitely_ kissed him back—the pink haired boy expected things to go downhill from there. He never seems to be able to keep either his feelings or thoughts in check around him, and he thought things would become even messier after he foolishly kissed him.

The thing is, they didn't. Their kiss, which was beyond this world and which still two days after makes Josh's heartrate pick up, practically had the opposite effect. If anyone were to say that the two of them don't genuinely appreciate the company of each other, they would be a blatant and ignorant liar. Because they've clicked more and gotten closer than most people who have friends they've known since their childhood.

And surprisingly, things between them are—if possible—more comfortable and relaxed and close than before. The sweet, innocent touches here and there that occured even before the night two days ago are as frequent as ever, but they don't feel as foreign and new as they did then. They've always made Josh's heart skip beats and his body hair to stand, and they still do. But now, they feel like home.

Josh still gets waves of wanting to feel Tyler's skin against his, but now it feels easier for him to get an excuse to touch him. Before, he'd feel weird and if he's honest with himself, at some level he still does, becuase he's never been this close, both emotionally and physically, to another boy before. It's just that, _now_ , he _seeks_ the rush that comes with being physically close to Tyler.

"So, uh," Tyler sighs, leaning his head back and resting it against Josh's arm. "Do you want to go and grab some dinner?"

As the boy with the colorful hair turns to look ar Tyler, it's with the fondest of gazes. "Yeah, that sounds like a plan."

When the two of them stands to get off from the couch, Josh moves his hands back to pull his sweater a little further down on his body, and Tyler goes to move his hand to his front pocket to put his phone back. The backs of their hands graze together and Josh instinctively bites down on to his lower lip, so as to not break out into a full grin.

And as they make their way out of the campus, Josh can't help but think about the kind of effects Tyler seems to have on him. He didn't expect to kiss him the way he did the other day, or even that he had it in him to kiss another boy at all. Yet, it's almost the only thing running around in Josh's mind lately.

As soon as they spend time together, Josh feels that intense longing—it's almost a _desperation_ —to do it again. And when they have seperate classes, which aren't that many, he can't seem to focus on whatever the teachers are saying. He's way too busy daydreaming of being close to Tyler again, he's constantly looking forward to the next time he can spend more time with him. There's no level Josh doesn't want to know him on.

And Tyler senses this, he really does. He hasn't felt connection like this with anyone since…practically, _ever_. It's new and exciting and makes his life light up in entirely new ways, ways he didn't think were possible. Darkness is the only constant thing in Tyler's life, he doesn't know what it feels like to be without it.

He just doesn't understand why. His life isn't bad, his family is more than supportive of everything he does and is and he's had decent friends throughout his years. Then again, he hasn't been spared from bullies—but others have surely gone through way worse. Tyler can't pinpoint what it is that makes his head spin, his vision go blurry and make his walls all around him close in as if he's about to pass out for the smallest things.

What he _can_ pinpoint, however, is that Josh makes him feel like there is a possibility that he's some day going to know what it feels like not to carry that feeling around constantly. In the midst of all the chaos constantly clouding Tyler's mind, Josh is the thing that calms it down. Josh is the loud and bright and clear constant that makes everything else quiet down.

Tyler's just scared that this is all a phase, and that Josh is so into it now because it's new and exciting.

* * *

The two of them take a mutual decision to choose a rather subtle restaurant, with a dimly lit atmosphere. When they enter it, there aren't a whole lot of people there. A middle aged couple sitting by the window, eating out just because it's something to do, some friends talking quietly while on their phones and a lonely man sitting by the bar.

The waiter that greets them tells them they can choose wherever to sit. He also makes a half assed joke about how since it's friday night, most people are probably out clubbing rather than eating dinner. And the way he puts it makes Tyler think of the whole thing as a date, and suddenly his mouth feels dry.

Josh curiously looks around the restaurant, checking out the interior designs and what theme it seems to have, and without as much as thinking twice goes to sit down at a booth. In the back, where there are no proper opposite sides, which means they'll have to sit next to each other for however long they decide to stay.

Tyler is, not confused, but shocked by his choice of seating. But, the bigger part of him is doing summervaults because of it, and in just a matter of seconds his heartrate has increased significantly. He removes his hands from the pockets of his sweater as he sits down, and struggles to keep from staring as Josh lifts his snapback to run a hand through his hair

"Thanks," Josh says in an exhale, picking the menu up instantly as the waiter leaves it on their table.

Tyler tries to focus on reading the first page of the menu, but as Josh not so discreetly shuffles closer to him, he wants to melt through the ground. To clear his thoughts that start scattering in just a second, he clears his throat, "You hungry?"

"Yeah, starving," Josh chuckles, resting his left knee against Tyler's. Smiling, he turns and looks the featherly haired boy directly in the eyes. "You?"

"I'm pretty hungry, too, yeah," Tyler chuckles in reply. "Have you been here before?"

"A few times, but it's never been anything special," Josh concludes, realizing that he practically just implied that tonight it _is_ special.

Josh finds his thoughts basically tripping over themselves, trying to find a way to somehow justify that tonight really is special. He doesn't really know why, but maybe it's the rather poorly lit atmosphere or the candle in the middle of the table or the fact that there is an entire half circle couch for the two of them to sit on, yet they decide to sit close to each other in the middle.

Neither one of the two can shake the _datey_ feeling of this whole thing. Then again, neither one of them really mind either. Both of them just want to be close and they easily prefer being close together, as well. And neither of them can deny that to everyone else, they probably look like an official couple.

"What does your sleeve tattoo mean to you?" Tyler asks, not being able to hold the question back for much longer. The desire of wanting to trace his fingers all across it is pretty much burning inside him by now.

Josh looks at him, stunned.

"I mean, uh, if you don't mind—" Tyler blurts.

"No, no, I don't," Josh quickly interrupts him assuringly. His lips form into the smile Tyler can't get enough of, and he laughs a little to himself before opening his mouth to speak again. "Sorry, I was just thrown off, that's all."

"You don't have to tell me," Tyler states, just so those words are out there.

"Tyler," Josh says while simoultaneously laughing softly. "It's okay, I _do_ want to tell you. To be honest, when I first started it, it didn't really have a meaning. I wanted something colorful and something that was going to look sick."

Tyler watches and listens intently as the boy next to him continues, and is in some way blown away by how much thought actually went into the seemingly random tattoo. He watches his pink lips as he tells the story of what the tree that travels alongside his arm means, and how it represents strength and never forgetting your roots to him.

The details in the way he tells it compells Tyler, and the urge to touch the patterned skin grows even bigger. And as he moves on to discussing his anxiety and how bad it used to be, Tyler can't believe how he puts the feeling of everything coming down around you into words. But, the thing he can't believe most, is how calm and soft he is about the subject.

"I could barely get to class without feeling completely, emotionally drained," Josh explains.

But as he continues, his tone is noticeably lighter and happier. His teeth are visible as he smiles while going on to talk about where he got the inspiration from it. The happiness radiating off him as he describes the seemingly magical place is hard not to get wired up into, so Tyler sits there with a foolish smile as the words keep falling from his mouth.

Josh reminices about the little grove close to his home, where he would go to get his privacy away from home. There is a pond there, and whenever he goes there at night the moon reflects an almost ethereal light upon it that without doubt captures Josh's full attention no matter what could be going on inside him.

Mixing that with the beautiful colors surrounding him during early mornings or late afternoons, when the sun is either rising or setting, making him feel warm inside no matter how big of a storm is raging on inside, there wasn't a doubt on his mind that that was going to stand as inspiration for his first ever tattoo. It's the safest place he knows.

And as Josh thinks about it now, it kind of reminds him of how he feels with Tyler.

"It kind of works as a reminder to always keep going," Josh finishes, smiling sweetly.

They're interrupted for a short moment as the waiter comes back to take their orders as well as take back the menus. Josh, the only one out of the two who has been here before, takes the liberty of ordering first. A double-up cheeseburger with a glass of coke, and almost most importantly extra fries on the side.

Tyler feels somewhat flustered at how naturally and easily it came to Josh, so he decides to just have the same as Josh. His stomach as been growling a little ever since they got in here about twenty minutes ago, so it felt like a satisfying order, too. And when he turns to Josh as the waiter turns to leave, he laughs foolishly.

"Don't worry, you won't be disappointed," Josh reassures him and smiles so bright that his eyes squint together in the way that makes the boy next to him weak.

"I better not be," Tyler jokes.

It doesn't take long for their food to come, and just like Josh said, Tyler wasn't going to be disappointed. Both of them eagerly dig in, practically moaning of delight as the cheese melts perfectly in their mouths. Tyler laughs in an adoring way as Josh has to roll the sleeves of his hoodie up a little, and he laughs, too. They seem to do that a lot together.

As they eat, they talk about pretty much everything and nothing. They gossip about some of their classmates, and as they've already concluded from before—Josh is the positive one who sees the better in people, while Tyler is the negative one who feels skeptical to most people. They talk about which teachers they prefer and which lesson they enjoy most.

It doesn't come as a surprise to either of them that they both enjoy the music lesson the most. Josh used to think it was rather dull, but ever since Tyler came along there's finally a challenge in playing drums. Josh likes to think he's pretty quick at picking up new rhythms and songs, but ever since last year, he's felt like his development in a sense has stopped.

But as soon as Tyler came around, it picked up again. He challenges himself every time they play together, to keep up with him playing the piano and singing his self-written songs. And the fact that he sees Tyler as a true musical genius puts him a little on edge, which is strictly positive when it comes to drumming.

With Tyler playing the piano and singing absolutely heartfelt songs, Josh constantly feels like he needs to be better. Like he always has to improve so that they will be on the same level. He puts pressure on himself to not let Tyler down, seeing as his songs obviously mean incredibly much to him.

The thing is that Josh isn't aware that Tyler practically thinks the exact same thing about him. With Josh accompanying him on the drums, there's finally a real possibility that Tyler can achieve something— _anything_ —with his own songs, and he feels like he's going to be in debt for eternity to Josh for giving that to him.

Every time Josh starts playing something entirely new, just to make it go along with the chords Tyler wrote himself by the piano, Tyler is utterly amazed. He's had plenty of time to come up with chords to go along with his lyrics, and yet there Josh comes along, finding something at the top of his head.

But Tyler has to listen to Josh comment his perspective on that rather often. Josh argues that he "just hits stuff", while Tyler "creates stuff from his own heart", and that apparently there is a difference. They will probably never agree on the strengths and talents they see in each other.

"Can you take me there, some time?" Tyler asks with a quiet, soft voice as he nods to the tattoo sticking out on Josh's lower arm.

Josh relaxes against the backrest, and "smoothly" moves his arm to lean against it behind Tyler's shoulders. "The grove by my home?"

"Yeah," Tyler nods, shifting in the couch so he's facing Josh as much as he can.

"Of course," Josh smiles and locks their eyes together.

Tyler is about to open his mouth to reply with a simple "okay", but closes his mouth just as quickly as he is reminded of their legs comfortably resting against each other. Suddenly they're both much more aware of their surroundings. The few people that were here when they first arrived have left, and the people working here seem to be starting to clean up a little.

The feeling of their knees touching is on the brink of driving Josh crazy, and he also notices how Tyler's arm is almost resting completely against his thigh. Josh takes a quick glance down, seeing how Tyler's nervously fiddling with his fingers, and as they both direct their gaze forward—Josh can't help but smile.

His heart is almost beating out of his chest, and all he can think about in this moment is how insanely good Tyler's lips felt against his own. How it felt to be as physically close to him as he was just two nights ago, and how he definitely _wouldn't_ mind to go through that sensation over again. And again.

Josh just didn't know his feelings were _that_ visible.

"Stop looking at me like that," Tyler practically whines. He really hopes the pink haired boy can't tell how flustered he's getting.

Josh's smile fades, but only a little, which turns his smile into a half smirk, as he furrows his eyebrows together slightly. "Like what?"

"Like you're going to kiss me again," Tyler mumbles shyly, turning his attention to the table as he seemingly nonchalantly—though his heart is sinking more and more—takes a piece of fries into his mouth.

"Do you want me to?" Josh curiously asks, because if he's to be honest, _he_ wants himself to.

Tyler averts his eyes back to Josh, and glares at him. It's with care and fondness, really, but in this very moment it's more like he's shooting desperate and _urging_ daggers at Josh. At this point there is no hiding how flustered Tyler feels, and there's no denying that Josh can tell. And right now both of them just want to be close.

Josh curls his hand around Tyler's neck, gently leaning closer to him. The sides of their noses brushes together, but they can only relish in the soft feeling of skin against skin for a split second, before Josh literally can't wait anymore. He feels like he's been waiting for this very moment ever since they decided they were going out.

Their lips connect and instantly mold together, both of them closing their eyes as they breathe each other in, and _holy shit_. Josh softly angles his lips differently, urgingly sucking on Tyler's delicate lips one at a time. As if on cue, both of them part their lips with a gentle exhale, and for a moment they don't move. They rest their foreheads together, breathing each other in and hesitating slightly.

Both of them want the moment to last forever, so they feel no need to rush through it. Tyler takes the initiative and urges forward to close the minimalized distance between the two, but Josh tilts away a split second before he succeeds. Then they switch roles, and for a short moment they intensively play this game—impatiently chasing something they already know is coming, exchanging intimate and desperate breaths.

Their lips finally reconnect and Josh delicately swirls his tongue around Tyler's, closing his eyes shut even harder and shuffling even closer to him—because, fuck, tasting Tyler makes Josh's stomach churn in all the right ways. Tyler places one hand on one of Josh's knees, gently resting the other one on is waist, not knowing what to do. The feeling of Josh's tongue tasting his own is too much for him to be able to think clearly.

Josh lingers his fingers from around Tyler's neck, and slowly moves them into the back of his head, intertwining them in his hair. He's definitely the dominant one, but there's no way he could slow himself down. The taste of Tyler— _fuck_ , it makes Josh feel alive. It makes every hair on his body stand and fuck if this isn't the most amazing thing he's experienced.

Tyler slides his hand up Josh's torso before letting it rest against the side of his neck, inching as close as he can get. The taste of Josh is the sweetest thing he's ever tasted, and he wants more. As their lips desperately cling to each other and their tongues continually dance together, Tyler can only imagine what having _more_ would be like.

Josh is the first one to realize that they're sat in a restaurant, and it takes every fiber of his being to pull away. Tyler practically whimpers at the loss of contact, following the swift movement of Josh leaning away, and catches his lips again. As Tyler is the first one to put his tongue against Josh's bottom lip this time, a soft moan erupts from the back of Josh's throat.

"Tyler," he breathes against his lips.

"Mm," Tyler replies, resting his forehead against Josh's.

"I _really_ like kissing you," Josh continues, softly running his fingers through the featherly like hair before pulling away. "But it's getting late, and we need to head back."

Tyler's lips and entire mouth is on fire as he looks at Josh, and though he wants to protest, the little courage he felt about this entire situation is already slipping away. And truth is, Josh really doesn't want the moment to end either. It's just that…he's absolutely terrified. This type of intimacy is completely foreign to him, so he _needs_ to process it.

Of course, though, the urge to constantly be close to Tyler can't exactly be ignored.

* * *

When they reach the campus again, they're both filled with complete bliss. Even though they walked through town and were in open, public places, Josh couldn't resist stealing certain glances and very blatant touches. Fingers loosely lingering together, words spoken only so the other could hear and foolish smiles exchanging constantly.

To everyone they passed, they looked like a cute couple. A couple that couldn't get enough of each other, a couple that are in the puppy stage of their relationship, a couple that's probably never experienced intimacy on that kind of level, a couple that is oblivious to the world around them. It's just that they're not a couple. _Right?_ Josh thinks.

"Josh?" Tyler murmurs unsurely, fidgeting with his fingers in the pockets of his hoodie.

"Yeah?" Josh replies.

"Would you, uh, want to sleep in here tonight?" Tyler asks, nodding to his door.

Josh's eyes widen in just a split second, and he automatically reaches back and scratches his neck. He _feels_ like he should say no, because tonight has almost been  _too_ intense. He needs his space, he needs the hours he's started growing accustomed to staying awake, to process everything. He tries to tell himself he needs that time to figure out his feelings.

When the truth is, Josh already knows what he feels. Otherwise he wouldn't have kissed Tyler two nights ago. Otherwise he wouldn't have kissed him tonight again, _moaning_ …while doing so even. Otherwise he wouldn't feel this burning desire to be close to Tyler every second he's offered the opportunity.

"Yeah," the boy with the pink hair nods, and so they step into Tyler's room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure if I'm liking the ending?? I usually never like the endings though,, But I like this chapter and I hope you do too, and please keep commenting!


	6. next to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "if the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you"

Tangled legs, messed up sheets, skin on skin, dreams intertwining, sun glistening through the window. The physical and emotional intimacy that is sleeping next to someone, is something Josh never thought he'd experience again. And it's something Tyler never expected to experience, even once.

Yet, here they are. Together and entangled in a bed. Tyler can't for the life of him figure out what it was that gave him that spur of courage last night, when he asked if Josh wanted to stay with him. He does know, however, that having him so close throughout the entire night eased his mind. He hasn't slept this well probably since he was a very young child.

He's confused to say the least as he wakes up from having slept through the entire night. A foreign feeling of overwhelming comfort and relaxment washes over him, and the slight snoring from next to him brings back the events of last night. The dinner, the kiss, the sight of Josh removing every item of clothing from his upper body.

Tyler goes to stretch his arms above his head, but is stopped as he realizes Josh's arm is slung around his torso. He glances to his left and his heart nearly beats right out of his chest at the sight of Josh's face. Lips slightly parted, light snores every now and then and his eyelashes gently resting against his skin. His wild, pink hair is messy but looks as soft as feathers, and Tyler unwillingly refrains from reaching out to thread his fingers through it.

It takes a moment for him to realize that the arm resting against Tyler, is the one with the colorful tattoo delicately decorating the skin. He's mesmerized within seconds, and wishes he had the courage to reach out and trace it. He would, if it weren't for the fact that every inch of him feels like it's set on fire already caused by the intense intimacy between the two.

The feeling of Josh's warm breath tickling his neck, the feeling of Josh's arm gently resting around his waist, the feeling of Josh's naked chest pressed against his back still lingers freshly in Tyler's mind. And he never wants to leave this bed. Having Josh as physically close as possible with genuine care sparking evidently from him, makes everything bad go away from Tyler's head.

And Tyler never would have imagined, that little over a month ago when he started in the same college as the amazing boy lying next to him, that he would end up here. In the arms of someone as genuine and pure and caring as Josh.

"Tyler?" somebody yells, hanging on the door.

The featherly haired boy is startled, and can't help but automatically twitch. Josh stirs in his sleep and groans quietly. Tyler makes an attempt to sit up, and so Josh complies by removing his arm from over his torso and then stuffs his face back into the pillow. The person on the other side of the door knocks again, this time louder. And this time Tyler hears who it is.

"Tyler?" Debby yells once more, and as Tyler throws a white t-shirt over his head while lazily making his way to the door, knocks again.

"Yes?" Tyler asks, opening the door slightly. He's not sure if Josh wants Debby to know he slept in the same bed as him, so he only peaks his head out.

"Have you seen Josh somewhere?" she asks. "I've been testing him all morning, he isn't replying."

Tyler gulps rather loudly and re-grips the doorknob on the inside. He reaches his free hand up and runs his fingers through his hear, his heart thumping loudly as his mind feverishly tries to come up with an excuse. He can't lie, but then again, he can't deny the pang of jealousy that stings in his heart at the expression on Debby's face.

 _Why is she so desperate to find him right this second, anyway?_ Tyler thinks, and opens his mouth to say something, but regrets it the next second. He huffs out an uncertain 'uhh', while Debby raises her eyebrows questioningly.

But, just as Tyler is about to let out some lame excuse, he feels the palm of a hand press against his lower back. He looks over his shoulder and is greeted with the sight of a very visibly tired Josh running a hand through his messy hair. The pink haired boy rests his other arm against the door frame, slightly peaking his head out.

"Debby?" Josh mumbles, delicately running his right hand up Tyler's back before letting it drop to his side.

"Oh," Debby says, obviously stunned. " _Oh_. Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah, sure," Josh sighs and then turns to Tyler. He inches closer, but just by half an inch, and it takes almost everything he has to not actually lean in and close the gap between their lips before he speaks again. "I'll just head to my room and grab some clothes."

Tyler, who genuinely wasn't prepared for the change in Josh's mocha eyes, barely has time to mumble out an 'okay' before he's off down the hallway. His lungs tighten at the sight of Josh's naked torso, accompanied solely by loose sweats. _Fuck, I'm so falling for you_ , Tyler whines to himself and wishes there was some way he could slow his feelings down.

As Josh makes his way towards his own room, he bites into his lower lip to try and hide the smile he feels coming on at the feeling of Tyler's eyes burning on his skin. He swiftly opens the door and heads straight for his closet, just waiting for Debby to ask whatever it was that she desperately wanted to ask right now.

Josh looks at the clock on his bednight stand and is more than surprised to find that it's already 11:30 AM — he thought it was pretty early and that Debby was crazy to be looking for him already. He grabs a hold of the first best thing — a gray t-shirt along with skinny, ripped jeans — and turns around, only to be greeted with Debby looking at him like a deer caught in headlights.

"What?" he asks, stopping in his tracks immediately.

" _What_?" Debby mimicks him. "What do you mean 'what'?"

"I mean, what are you looking at me like that for?" Josh clarifies and heads into the bathroom, leaving the door ajar so he can still talk while changing.

"Did you _sleep_ together?" the too curious girl asks.

"No!" Josh exclaims. As he pulls the t-shirt over his head, he rests his hands on the sink and looks at himself in the mirror. He knows the questions today will be neverending, so he has to be sure of himself before answering them. "Uh, we did? But not like _that_."

"Like what, then?" she pushes. "And don't you dare say as friends, because these beds are way too small for anyone to want to share with a friend, no matter how close."

Josh ponder her words for a second. She's absolutely right, Tyler isn't _just_ a friend to Josh. Friends don't look at each other the way they do. Friends don't constantly test boundaries of physical closeness. Friends don't hold hands as if it were the first time feeling skin on skin. Friends don't kiss. And friends definitely don't cuddle throughout an entire night in a bed as small as the ones in this campus.

So, what are they? The word _boyfriends_ pops into Josh's head, and his stomach flips over in just a split second. He's not sure what it is but the thought infinitely scares him. He wants to think that this is wrong — Josh isn't gay, if he was he would've figured it out earlier. Then again, how is he supposed to think of it as wrong when it's the first thing in his life that feels completely right?

"I don't know, Debby, okay?" Josh says, tossing his sweats aside and stepping into the jeans. "I just like him."

"A lot?" Debby teases as he steps out of the bathroom.

Josh rolls his eyes, not because she's being annoying, no. Because she's right. And because he feels his face heating up, which is more than unfamiliar to him. Josh just isn't the type of person who blushes, or at least that's what he thought before Tyler came into his life and Debby keeps commenting on them spending time together.

"What did you want to talk about?" Josh sighs, averting the attention from him.

"I just wanted to make sure you haven't forgotten about my party tonight?" she says with an enthusiastic and hopeful tone. As she locks eyes with Josh's puzzled ones, her tone is significantly lowered. "You forgot!"

"No, I didn't!" Josh chuckles and tries to think of an excuse that sounds real. Obviously, he doesn't have one, his mind's been too occupied by Tyler these past few weeks. "Okay, maybe I did."

The shorter girl frowns.

"But, look, I'm not sure I'm in the mood for it anyway," Josh says, dodging her intense eyes.

"That's a lie," she counters as she crosses her arms. He's about to retaliate with something, but she's too quick in cutting him off. "Look, I think it's great that you and Tyler have found each other no matter in what way it is. But, you can't just drop your other friends because you have a new one."

"I haven't dropped you," Josh mumbles, slumping down in his bed and clasping his hands in his knees in front of him. There's a part of him that can't deny that what she's saying is true, but what's worse is that he doesn't care as much as he feels he should. He just wants to be with Tyler. "I just forget about time when I'm with him, that's all."

"Okay, then take him with you, I'm sure he'll have a good time," Debby prompts.

Josh's lips turn into a half smile as he gets back up on his feet. "He's not the type to party, but I'll talk to him. I'll try to make it. Cause you asked so nicely."

She laughs a little and the two make it out of his room, Debby going one way and Josh directs his attention to Tyler's open door. Suddenly, because he's awake and not in a certain moment like the ones they shared last night, he feels nervous. He clasps his hands together, releasing them only once he reaches the door.

 _Inhale, exhale_ , he thinks to himself and focuses on the way Tyler makes him feel. Because that's all that matters. As if on cue, his heart flutters the second he sets his foot inside the room and Tyler comes clear into his vision. He's sitting on his bed, legs gently folded, with a ukulele in his hand. His eyes are focused on a random spot on the floor, and his fingers are mindlessly strumming the strings.

Josh really doesn't want to invade, he thinks Tyler looks too pretty like that. Grey sweats and a simple black t-shirt, and nothing more. He doesn't need anything more. To Josh, Tyler is effortlessly pretty. Tyler suddenly stops strumming, and Josh blinks — taken aback by the fact that he saw him. Not that he was very discreet, in the middle of the doorway, but still.

"Good morning," Josh clears his throat, smiling ever so softly.

Tyler's heartbeat increases. Just like that, by a simple smile. "Hi."

Tyler looks at Josh, and he envies his effortlessness. The way he carries himself as if there's not a single worry in his mind, as if no one or nothing could ever bring him down. Though he can sense that Josh struggles with himself at times, Tyler knows it's not nearly as much as the amount he struggles with himself.

There's not so much self hatred, or anything quite like that. There's just a bottomless, pit of darkness clouding his every day. But, Josh takes that away. And as he looks at him now, he realizes he probably needs him more than he thinks.

"What did she want?" Tyler gathers the courage to ask, and scooches closer to the wall behind him as Josh goes to sit on the bed with him.

"She's throwing a party tonight," Josh explains, resting his head against the headboard.

"Oh," Tyler nods and gulps loudly.

"I told her you don't like parties," the boy with the ripped jeans state. His mocha eyes leap into Tyler's sharper ones, showing nothing but care and affection. "We don't have to go."

"You can go if you want to," Tyler mumbles.

And Tyler means it, he truly does. His heart leaps at the way Josh took for granted that they'd go together, but he also doesn't want to hold Josh back from doing things he thinks are fun simply because Tyler can't handle it. But of course, there is a part of him that doesn't want to be alone. Especially not on saturdays, when everyone else will be out and together with all of their friends.

There's also a part of him that doesn't want to let this opportunity go. He's certain Josh would keep him calm, he'd keep him safe. The only question remaining inside his head is if the boy with the wild hair really would take him to a place filled with tons of people who could see them. _After last night, I'm sure he doesn't mind_ , he tells himself.

"And I want to go," Tyler says, trying to sound convincing — not to Josh, but to himself.

"Are you sure?" Josh asks, leaning forward slightly and resting his elbows on his legs.

Tyler inches forward slightly as well. "Yeah. I want to be with you."

For a few moments, they stay like that, just looking into each others eyes. They don't need much more than silence and each other to feel at home, to feel like it's all going to be alright in the end. Josh rests his forehead against Tyler's, resting his nose and lips against his cheek, just breathing him in.

This constant desire to be close to someone is something Josh has never felt with anybody, but he knows that he absolutely loves it. There's nothing that compares. And as he softly presses his lips against Tyler's surprised ones, closing his eyes ever so carefully, he knows this is it. There's no way or reason to deny everything he's feeling for this boy.

There's no denying _anything_ about it, anymore.

* * *

Josh stands in front of the mirror, pulling and grabbing at the white t-shirt clinging to his torso. He focuses mostly on his hair, though, threading his fingers through it at least a thousand times over and over, and Tyler watches on with nothing but admiration. The wild pink hair falls flawlessly no matter what he does with it, in Tyler's eyes.

Tyler, however, is more uncomfortable than he lets on. Whenever his hands start trembling a little too much, it's far too easy for him to just put them into the pockets of his jeans. And his black button up shirt works as a comforting and hypothetical barrier just in _case_ his heart actually would beat out of his chest.

As Josh takes a step back from the mirror, he turns to look at Tyler standing plainly with his hands in his pockets, looking intently at himself in the mirror. The anxiety is radiating off of him, and Josh wishes he could remove it just by wishing he could. But reality isn't that perfect, so he has to try with every other option he can think of.

"You look really good," Josh says softly.

Though it's only been one month since they started hanging out, and Josh is the least experienced when it comes to the whole boy with boy situation, his actions and words work as proof that his confidence and his control over his anxiety, is far ahead of Tyler's. Josh has an easier time relaxing and letting go of his fears once he's sure about stuff, while fear seems to have the upperhand in Tyler's mind.

But as of tonight, Josh seems to have let go of all of his inhibitions, and that eases the featherly haired boy's mind severely. Tyler feels like now, there is nothing holding him back from being true with Josh. They both know they enjoy each other, but Josh's uncertainty has in a way pulled the both of them back.

Tyler has fallen for Josh. _Hard_. And the reason he has yet to learn how to fully express that to the boy himself, except for his crippling anxiety, is the uncertainty coming from him. It's been loud and clear and impossible to miss. But, tonight, that barrier isn't there. And that lifts a great weight off of Tyler's vulnerable and very, _very_ tired shoulders.

"Thank you," Tyler mumbles. He rakes his eyes across Josh's body, very obviously, before smiling slightly. "You look better."

Josh rolls his eyes, but still walks closer to the boy in the black shirt, and without so much as a slight warning closes the gap between their faces. But the kiss isn't passionate or desperate, it's slow and needy and affectionate. The way their lips move together is a way for Josh to express that he's there for Tyler.

"Are you sure you want to go?" he asks in an exhale, slowly leaning away.

Tyler takes a deep and shaky breath before directing his attention from the floor to the mocha eyes in front of him. "Yeah, of course."

They walk closely together outside, deciding to walk to Debby's house since she doesn't live too far from campus, anyway. And they stay like that for the entire thirty minutes it takes to get there. They discuss the sky, how pretty and raw it is during the night, and what they think could be out there — somewhere, anywhere.

Tyler smiles as Josh passionately starts talking about aliens and how sure he is that there must be something more. Something too divine for mankind to ever be able to understand or grasp the meaning behind. And Tyler likes that idea. He isn't one to think like that, but he likes hearing Josh talk about it even more.

Before they know it, they're standing on the driveway to Debby's house, both of them intently watching the people through the windows and listening to the blasting music making the building practically bounce. Josh wipes his hands across his thighs — it's been some time since he went to a party this big, and he still feels uncomfortable among that many other people.

But, his focus is easily switched to the anxious boy next to him. He calms him down and ironically it's the same way around. Tyler feels the air getting thinner around him, limiting the amount of oxygen reaching his lungs. Automatically, his hands shut tightly, causing his knuckles to go white in just a matter of seconds.

"Hey," Josh coos calmly. He moves his left hand to Tyler's right, loosely intertwining his index finger around his pinky. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Tyler nods feverishly — he wishes it was true.

"We can still go back to campus and do something else," Josh assures him.

"No, I'm fine," Tyler states, sounding all the more confident and secure than he actually feels.

Josh senses this but only holds even tighter onto his fingers. They walk up to the door and just seconds after Josh has knocked, somebody none of them recognizes opens it. Suddenly Josh's heartbeat increases as the situation of somebody seeing _him_ like _this_ with a boy is all the more concrete and _real_.

But, the feeling of Tyler's skin against his own only adds fuel to the burning desire he already feels, and the reassurement that Tyler's feelings are of the exact same nature is more than enough to bring him back to the realisation that all of this is one of the very few things he has that is completely right.

They make their way into the house, uncomfortably squeezing past all the drunk people dancing and messing around taking no consideration to the people around them. Tyler feels like he's on the verge of throwing up, and it doesn't matter how pathetic he thinks others might think he is, he clings even closer to Josh anyway.

He laces all of his fingers around Josh's, pulling the tattoo-covered arm close to his own torso. Josh reassuringly squeezes his hand, scanning his eyes through the crowd of completely unfamiliar people in search of the person who so desperately wanted him to come. Maybe if she sees their faces for a few moments, she won't notice how fast they're planning on leaving.

"There you guys are!" Debby shouts from behind them. She makes her way around the two, standing closer than normal. "You're almost two hours late!"

"An hour and a half," Josh corrects her with a slight smile.

"Yeah, almost two hours," she slurs. Her eyes wander to their hands and arms being tightly intertwined, and her grin widens. "You guys are _too_ cute, oh my god! Are you officially a couple, yet?"

If this was a few weeks ago, or even yesterday, Josh probably would have snapped something slightly harsh at her for saying something like that. His stomach would flip in a feeling that resembles guilt — because Josh isn't gay and he wouldn't want one of his closest friends to get that impression.

Tonight, however…he let's it slide. He doesn't mind and in fact, he likes the sound of that. Him and Tyler being a couple. Because fact is, gay or not or whatever Josh feels safe enough to admit to being, friends definitely don't act the way they do with each other.

"Whatever," Josh chuckles, feeling his cheeks heat up gently.

Josh turns to look at Tyler, and smiles slightly. Josh knows Tyler has been patient — it's taken him a full month to let go of his insecurities and barriers about being this close with a boy, and so he knows there is no reason holding anything back anymore. It wouldn't be fair and tonight he's certain there's no part of Tyler that doesn't want this.

And Tyler swears that right now, he can feel Josh's eyes all the way into his soul. And if Josh would want to make them "official", he's sure he'd throw up. But, then again, official or not, the state that Josh puts Tyler is divine either way. There's nothing but desire radiating from Josh tonight, and that's enough to Tyler. He doesn't need more than that.

"Do you want a drink?" Josh smiles, leaning closer to overpower the blasting music.

"Yeah," Tyler nods.

And that is how they spend their night. To everybody else, they look like that cliché kind of couple in every college based movie ever that cannot be more than a meter or two apart from each other at any given time. Linked hands, stolen kisses they think nobody sees, hushed conversations and always finding ways to sneak from the bigger crowds.

Josh thought he'd have a harder time relaxing than he actually has. It's not hard for him to hold Tyler's hand, no matter what kinds of people see him. The same people who's eyes he purposely avoided when in public with Tyler just a week ago, are the same people who tonight watches Josh put his hands against Tyler's waist as they move together to the music.

And though Tyler expected Josh to be his anchor in this crazy situation, he could never have expected him to have _this_ type of effect on him. He knew the fact that he came here with a boy wouldn't bother him, that's just who he's always been and he's never tried to hide that. But he thought he would have had at least some sort of breakdown the first hour or so of being here.

Now, three hours later, Tyler is a little tipsy and because of Josh — solely because of the comfort of his mere presence — there's not a worry on his mind. The party is dying out, most of the craziest people have left and there's not that many people still here. Just some people sitting on a circle in the living room, eating…"brownies".

Tyler is leaning against the kitchen counter, gripping Josh's white t-shirt slightly by his waist. Their upper bodies are practically glued together as Josh lets his hands rest against the counter on each side of Tyler. Josh leans his forehead against the featherly haired boy's, focusing his gaze on his lips as he hovers his own above them.

"This is nice," Josh mumbles.

"Mm," Tyler purs.

"Are you getting tired?" Josh smiles against the other boy's lips. He moves his face to side of his neck, gently placing his lips to the side of it.

"Mm," Tyler hums, leaning towards Josh in content.

He leans his forehead against Josh's shoulder, lingering his hands from Josh's waist to his back. For a few seconds, he closes his eyes, and there's no feeling in the world that could ever come close to compare to what he's feeling at this very moment. Absolute safety, as if nothing or no one can ever hurt him again.

"I really like you, Tyler," Josh slurs, leaning away only enough so his eyes are levelled to the sharp brown ones in front of him.

Tyler's heart skips a beat, or three, and he closes the distance between their lips. Though they're both a little drunk and their lips aren't as cooperative as usually, the kiss is soft and incredibly warm. Their tongues sloppily dance together and their lips spark as if it were the first kiss all over again. There's just so much conversation in the way they touch, and none of them want to stop.

Like, ever.

Josh removes his hands from the counter and instead tightly grip Tyler's hips, pushing him closer to the counter behind him. The slightly shorter boy lets his hands roam Josh's cheeks, as Josh sneaks his hands in under the black button up shirt. His fingertips feel like electric shocks peppering all across Tyler's skin, and he delicately moves them further up his back.

Tyler, drunk and carefree and _so fucking in love_ , moans into the mouth of the pink haired boy, tracing his fingers to the back of his hair. Josh moans from the back of his throat, too, moving one of his legs to in between Tyler's. His rough fingertips grip tightly onto the delicate skin on Tyler's hips, pulling them toward his own hips.

Though Josh is drunk, and crazy obsessed with the boy on his lips, and _pretty_ horny, and pretty aware of where this is going, an alarm goes off in the back of his mind. Josh still hasn't done anything like this with a boy before and he knows they both need to take it more seriously than they are right now.

"Tyler," Josh breathes against his lips. Luckily for his own self restraint, Tyler doesn't need much more to pull away.

"Yeah?" Tyler replies as he looks at Josh through hooded eyes.

"We should probably get back to campus," Josh states.

"You're probably right," Tyler sighs, leaning his body weight on to the boy in front of him.

Josh smiles brightly, wrapping his arms around the somewhat drunk boy he's finding himself falling even more for. He manages to steady him upright as he firmly places his arm around his waist. They make it out of the house completely fine, and the fresh air hits both of them like a blick wall, and Josh can't help but wish the both of them will sober up because of it.

As they start to walk down the road, Tyler curls his arm around Josh's neck, seductively pressing his lips to the spot right under his ear. Josh feels his cheeks heating up, so he tilts his face down to focus on putting one foot in front of the other. He can't ignore Tyler for long, though, as he cups his other hand on the opposite side of his face.

"I really like you, too, Josh," he mumbles.

Josh laughs, a genuine laugh that warms his cold body a little. "That's great."

"I was lost before you," Tyler continues, suddenly removing his lips from Josh's skin.

"What?"

"I was lost."

Josh takes a moment to breathe. He's not sure if he's ready to hear Tyler talk about the things that are wrong in his life, he doesn't want to hear about why he's broken. The fact that Josh can _tell_ that he is, is heartbreaking enough. And at a point in time where Josh feels as vulnerable as he does tonight, he's not sure he can take it.

"I didn't think there would ever be light again," Tyler says, and this time his voice is more hushed.

"Tyler," Josh breathes.

"I don't even know where the darkness comes from, you know?" he continues.

"Tyler," Josh tries once more.

"At times I truly think I'm going insane because of it," Tyler breathes, his voice merely coming out as a whisper at this point.

"Tyler," the pink haired boy says harsher, finally earning his attention.

They stop for a moment in the empty street, and Josh takes advantage of the silence so he can think for a few seconds. His heartbeat is speeding up and getting louder, and his ears are ringing. Why is this upsetting him this much? He knows Tyler is important to him now, but he could never have anticipated that he mattered this much.

Josh cups both of his hands around Tyler's cheeks, intently locking their eyes together. Tyler darts his tongue out to wet his lips in nervousness as Josh's thumbs repeatedly caress his delicate skin. The boy with the pink hair thinks over his thoughts at least a thousand times. Not because his head is spinning, although that is a contributing factor.

But because it has to come out right. He cares for Tyler, so much, and he needs to hear that. Josh never wants him to talk about darkness in that way again and there must be something _he_ can do. He wants to be there for Tyler. Always.

Josh breathes, his lips just inches away from the other boy's. "I want you to be okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay finally! I hope you liked this, if so please leave a comment! Ily


	7. delicate touches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "turn out all the noise, focus on me, I'll focus on you"

**This chapter is pretty explicit almost from the very start so if you don't feel comfortable with that I've put out markers where it starts and when it's okay to read again. It's nothing too explicit, really, but I want everyone to feel okay reading! So proceed with caution!**

 

\-----

 

" _Josh_ ," Tyler moans.

The boy with the pink hair uses one hand to pin Tyler's fragile hands above his head, aggresively sucking on the delicate skin on his neck. He uses his other hand to support his weight, tangling his leg in between Tyler's. There's a heat pooling in the bottom of Josh's stomach and he lets out an obscene moan into the side of Tyler's neck.

Tyler's skin is already on fire and Josh's moan only adds fuel to the flames. He whines loudly, in desperate need of touching Josh. The heat stirring in his stomach is getting the upperhand and he bucks his hips against Josh's, wanting to feel every inch of him all at once. And even though they're in the moment, this sudden feeling causes Josh to flinch.

He sits back up on his knees, moving his hands down to Tyler's hips as he breathes. Josh wants this with Tyler more than anything and he's already come to terms with that, and still, the feeling of a boy touching him like _this_ is too unfamiliar. And Tyler notices this, but he is far too caught up in what is happening to restrain himself.

Tyler goes to sit up on his knees as well, finally being able to touch Josh. His hands practically fly to the bottom of his t-shirt as he lingers his fingers in under the fabric, feeling his way up across Josh's torso.

"Tyler," Josh moans, but has no time to say anything more as his lips meet with the featherly haired boy's lips.

Josh falls back against the wall and Tyler wastes no time, immediately putting his legs on each side of Josh's legs as he straddles him. The pink haired boy would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying this, because _fuck_ , it feels good, and so he automatically places his hands against Tyler's delicate hips.

Tyler's soft lips hungrily make their way across Josh's neck, and both of them moan together. Josh repeatedly squeezes his hips as he pulls their bodies closer, not wanting to miss a single inch of the gorgeous boy currently _sitting in his lap_. This isn't their first makeout session, God knows how many they've had since that party a few weeks ago, but this is the first one where both of them are completely out of it.

A loud moan escapes Josh's lips as Tyler grinds against him, his fingers still roaming the toned torso underneath the fabric of the t-shirt. Josh wants, and _needs_ this. He needs to _feel_ Tyler, he needs to _taste_ him. He needs to know what it's like to to feel his hands and lips on every inch of his body, and he needs to know what it's like to put his own hands everywhere on Tyler.

The question is if Josh is ready for letting a boy take him to those places?

" _Tyler_ ," Josh moans loudly as he roughly squeezes his hips.

The boy in his lap leans away, meeting his mocha eyes. "I know. It's okay, and you know it is."

"It's just— _fuck_ ," Josh says, sucking his stomach in as Tyler books his fingers inside his jeans.

"Just focus on the feeling," for once, Tyler is the reassuring one. He crashes his lips on to Josh's, letting his tongue swirl around his while Josh only moans in reply.

 

**[Okay this is where it starts getting explicit]**

 

Their lips mold together perfectly and the two of them moan together. Josh feels a shiver run down his entire spine as Tyler's soft fingers carefully hover above the button and zipper of Josh's jeans skinny jeans. He bites harshly into his lower lip and focus his eyes on Tyler's fingers hovering right over where Josh needs them the most at the moment.

Josh's breathing increases significantly as Tyler pulls his pants down, revealing a bulge through his gray underwear. The way Tyler crawls further down on his legs and the way he innocently looks up at Josh is almost enough for him to fall over the edge right then. He can't begin to count how long he's been waiting for this moment with Tyler.

It's not so much the sexual part of it all, it's just the closeness of it. Josh knows Tyler makes his heart flutter and his constant desire to always be close is well enough proof of that. And right now, in Josh's infatuated and love intoxicated mind, this is the only form of complete closeness that he can think of.

And fuck if Tyler wasn't enjoying it as well. Josh, and only Josh, is the person who can bring out this side of him. The side of him that's overflowing with desire and needs, and this side of him is also coming out for Josh only. Tyler's been with boys before, though it hasn't been many, and he _truly_ and _genuinely_ wants Josh to be as comfortable as possible about this type of intimacy.

He doesn't break eye contact with the flustered boy in front of him even for a second as he hovers his lips over the bulge. Josh twists his hands in the sheets, practically squirming in anticipation, which causes Tyler to smile a little. Antagonizingly slow, the featherly haired boy hooks his fingers in under the edge of the underwear and pulls them down.

Tyler's delicate fingers wrap around the shaft of Josh's hard-on, and Josh inhales sharply in just a second. He darts his tongue out and runs it along the base and all the way to the tip, softly swirling his tongue around it.

"Oh, _Tyler_ ," Josh moans as his body shivers in pleasure.

His fingers gently wrap around the bottom of the shaft and he wastes no time in placing his pink lips around Josh's length. Josh's eyes roll back in pleasurement and he lets out a shaky breath as he leans his head back against the wall. Tyler gently massages the shaft as he firmly places his tongue along the underside.

Josh moans obscenely loud, squirming in frustration because he just wants more. And Tyler is quick to oblige — he moves his head slowly up and down, letting one hand roam Josh's torso underneath his t-shirt. The two lock eyes and Tyler easily lets his tongue dance around Josh's length, an almost pornographic sucking sound filling the dorm room.

"Fuck," Josh whines, moving one of his hands down to Tyler's hair.

Tyler relishes in his moans, only swirling his tongue around him in an even more feverish manner. His lips shelter around him and he can't help but moan himself at the sensation that is stirring in his own stomach, and the sound of it shoot thrills throughout Josh's entire body — practically making him quiver.

The pink haired boy tightens his grip of Tyler's hair and bites harshly into his lower lip. The sight of Tyler like this, practically lying on top of his legs as he looks up at him through his eyelashes, is on the brink of driving Josh insane. He groans, twisting his fingers through the featherly hair, feeling his chest rise and fall faster and faster.

" _Tyler_!" he practically yells.

Tyler lets his warm saliva coat Josh as he brings his hand to his lower abdomen, digging his nails into the sensitive skin. He didn't realize how rewarding and riveting it was going to feel to witness Josh like this — a flustered mess of sweat and needyness and absolute desperation. He hums in complete admiration, causing Josh's grip of his hair to tighten further.

Josh feels sweatpearls forming in his forehead and his entire body shivers as the tingling sensation starts making itself reminded at the bottom of his stomach. The feeling of Tyler's pretty lips wrapped around him brings stars to his mind, but he needs to feel more of him.

"I'm cl— _fuck_ , I'm close," Josh stutters.

Tyler pulls off his length with a pop, innocently looking up to meet Josh's eyes, Josh roughly brings his face to the same level as his own and without thinking hungrily crashes their lips together. By now Josh is a panting, hot mess but he doesn't care. This feeling is all too amazing and he could get lost in it forever.

" _Tyler_ ," Josh whines into the other boy's mouth. "Touch me, Tyler."

The boy who's lips are still dirty wet pulls away with a breath, looking into the mocha eyes in front of him. It doesn't take more than a second for him to move his hand down and instantly wrap around Josh's length, as their lips and tongues reconnect. Josh groans passionately, putting his hands to the sides of Tyler's neck. The experience of tasting himself on his own tongue is a weird yet enticing and pleasurable feeling.

Tyler intently pumps his hand around Josh's hard-on, feeling the breath of the boy in front of him increase significantly and it only urging him on further. Josh relishes in every second, tasting Tyler's saliva as it mixes with his own, his head practically going completely dizzy as the sensation of Tyler's fingers touching him like this brings him closer to where he wants to be.

"I'm going to—" Josh stutters, but moans in a pornographic way and throws his head back to the wall once more. Tyler moves his lips down to his neck, gently scraping the skin with his teeth. "I'm coming, Tyler!"

His delicate fingers continue to pump Josh passionately, and he lifts his head to watch his face as he comes completely undone in front of him. Josh bites into his lower lip, trying to contain himself, but the sensation is all too strong. A loud and almost echoing moan escapes his lips, one that most nearby dorm rooms definitely will hear.

He spills all over Tyler's fist as he clenches his eyes shut tightly, breathing heavily as the feeling of the fingers gripping him rides him through it. His entire body completely quivers in the purest, rawest form of human pleasure. Tyler's name slips through his lips repeatedly, as he curls his hands around the sheets, and the sound of his name like that would have been enough for Tyler to break down if it weren't for the most genuine enjoyment of seeing Josh like this.

Josh lets out a whiny and shaky breath his body tingles in the insane feeling that follows an orgasm. Tyler's fingers slide down his length once more before he removes them, instead placing them on his thighs as he leans forward and delicately places his lips back on to Josh's neck. The link haired boy sits back up properly, cupping his hands around Tyler's face as he reconnects their lips.

 

**[And here it's okay again!]**

 

"Shit," Josh chuckles into his mouth.

Tyler pulls away and is greeted by a very flustered, and very red faced, Josh. "Hm?"

Josh runs a hand through his hair before pulling his boxers back up tp cover himself, before he leans back, exhausted from the immense pleasure, against the wall. He brings one knee up as he rests his elbow against it, and he looks at Tyler through hooded eyes. Tyler's tongue darts out to wet his bottom lip before he bites into it gently, his stomach stirring at the sight of Josh like this.

Josh leans in close, curling one hand behind his neck before as delicately as ever pressing his lips to Tyler's. This kiss is far more sweet and gentle than the one just moments ago, pure genuinity overflowing both of them in admiration. Josh's heartbeat increases as he realizes what's about to fall from his lips.

He leans away softly and gulps loudly. He isn't nervous about how Tyler's going to take it — it's rather the complete opposite. Josh has been sure of his feelings for a really long time now, to him it's just been a matter of time to agree with himself on it. And now, he's just unsure how he's going to react to hearing himself voice it.

"I just…uh," Josh mumbles with a flustered smile. He really doesn't understand why this makes him nervous, he knows that Tyler knows it's been a long time coming. "I want you to be my boyfriend. Like, officially."

Tyler blinks, a little thrown back. Of course, to the both of them they've practically been a couple for about two weeks now. But in private only. And Tyler's heart flutters — is this _really_ happening? When he first met Josh he never would have imagined someone as free and alive as him could want to be with him, and now he's asking if he wants to be his boyfriend?

His heartrate increases and his lungs tighten, as his anxiety threatens to get the best of him. He knows Josh is a genuine person and that he truly enjoys Tyler, but at a moment like this his anxiety and darkness wants to convince him it's in some way a joke. That it isn't real and that it's going to backfire in his face.

He presses one hand to the wall, bringing his eyes down to his lap as he tries to steady his breathing at least to some level. His vision is going blurry and he's convinced he's going to pass out. He can barely hear Josh softly say his name in the background, trying to bring him back to the reality of the moment they just shared.

The featherly haired boy doesn't understand where this overwhelmingly crushing feeling comes from or where it stems from. But, he hates it. It's clouded and ruined good things in the past and he absolutely hates it. It makes him feel worthless, like he's not _even_ in control of his own life. And he would break down completely if it scared Josh away.

" _Tyler_ ," Josh says rather firmly before pressing their lips together.

Tyler wasn't ready, and so he closes his eyes to try and focus on the feeling of Josh's comforting lips massaging his own. Without realizing, he holds his breath and therefore his heartbeat calms down significantly. Josh delicately cups his hands around his cheeks as he pulls away slowly, softly moving his lips to the spot right below his jawline.

For a few moments, Josh peppers soft and reassuring kisses to the side of Tyler's neck as he keeps his hands steady on his shoulders. It's not sexual or passionate in any way, at this very moment it's the only way Josh can prove he's truly there for Tyler. Because Josh knows words mean nothing when anxiety threatens to overpower someones own feelings.

"It's okay," he breathes. "You know I meant it when I said I want you to be _okay_."

Tyler closes his eyes and tilts his head back, facing the roof. He breathes deeply, heaving his shoulders up before relaxing and letting them fall down again. The sensation of Josh's breath dancing across his neck soothes him and he tries his absolute hardest to focus solely on that and block all the bad thoughts out.

Becuase Josh _is_ here. Josh _is_ staying. Josh _isn't_ leaving and Josh means _every_ single word he says. And Tyler knows this. Then, why is his brain trying so hard to convince him that he shouldn't believe it? It baffles his mind and he has to bite into his cheek to keep from tears. He can't cry, not now.

"It's okay," Josh repeats, once again cupping the innocent face of the boy sitting in front of him. Their lips are at the same level and they breathe each other in for a while.

"I know," Tyler exhales.

"I'm here."

"I know."

"Are you okay?"

"I will be."

Josh leans his forehead against Tyler's, smiling sweetly. Tyler tries to smile but has yet to remove his focus from his breathing. A shaky and vulnerable breath makes it's way out of his mouth, and that's what it takes to get him relaxed. He feels like completely falling apart in Josh's arms, but his pride is too great to allow him to do that.

Instead, he completely rests his body against Josh's, burying his face in the crook of his neck. The pink haired boy responds immediately by wrapping his arms around the emotionally sensitive boy, soothingly caressing a hand up and down. It doesn't take long for them to realize what a clumsy position they've ended up in, and they both smile.

Josh is awkwardly sitting leant forward on his knees with his arms wrapped around Tyler, while Tyler is sitting cross-legged while trying — with certain difficulty — to find a comforting position for his upper body to lean into Josh. Both of them chuckle softly as they pull away, instead deciding to lie down.

Tyler turns his back to Josh, feeling too delicate and vulnerable to meet his genuinely intense eyes. It's not that he doesn't like it, because holy shit if his eyes aren't one of his most favorite things to look at. It's just that the pure genuinity radiating off them is something Tyler is sure would bring him to tears right now.

And Josh happily rests his tattooed arm over Tyler's side, connecting their hands at his lower abdomen. An exhale of pure content escapes his lips, his hot breath dancing on the back of Tyler's neck. And Tyler can only smile. There is no other place on earth where he feels as safe as he does in Josh's arms.

His heartrate starts slowing down, all thanks to the pretty boy spooning him at this very moment. The warm and safe feeling of Josh's torso pressed against his back is more than enough for Tyler to be able to focus on everything but his anxiety. If he would have been left alone after what Josh just said, he would be having a breakdown by now.

Tyler is well aware of this, but he can't help it. The darkness surrounds him from nowhere and sucks the good out of everything. And though the fact that he is becoming so dependent on Josh to be there to protect him from the bad things going on inside his mind, he couldn't be more relieved that he has him to rely on. He never would have thought he would meet someone with such pure care and affection for him as Josh seems to have.

And the next thing that Tyler says is a pure distraction from his own mind, as a result of the calming and joyful effect Josh has on him. And it makes Josh laugh out loud in a beautiful way which in its turn causes Tyler to smile softly.

"So, how did you enjoy getting sucked off by your _boyfriend_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a little shorter than the other chapters but I hope you liked it anyways ;) Also are things escalating too quickly?? Cause now their whole getting used to each other phase is over so I'm just diving right into scenes I've already planned out lol. Thanks for reading and commenting!


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